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Late Bloomer Smokers
Posted by JoAnne on 6/4/2009, 15:48:53, in reply to "Hubby not happy"
84.69.157.163
Hi there,
I empathise with your situation, as what you describe, that was me just over 4 years ago. Now... you've probably been married a hell of a lot longer than I have but let me give you a few home truths about things.
First up, your husband has every right to be upset. Now its ok for people to say to you, if he loves you he'll accept it. Ask yourself this, why should he? When he married you, he married somebody who didn't smoke. You have made a change to your lifestyle, which is bigger than deciding on what new way to wear you hair, sorry, but there it is.
Now I am sure your husband loves you and so, chances are he won't chuck away the marriage over it, so don't worry on that score if I were you.
Another thing you have to consider is, while you may not do it around him, or in front of him, you are still doing something he doesn't like you doing. Personally, I'd be more worried if he didn't care you had taken up cigs! That would be MUCH worse.
Again, you should put yourself in his shoes. Imagine he started something you hated, and it was bad for him, and you pleaded with him to stop, and he basically told you no, it was his choice, and you either accept it or don't. how would that make you feel?
In a way I feel like I am giving marriage advice, and... I'm not sure that is my place.
But putting things in their base simplicity.
You want something for you, he does not want for you.
I suggest a compromise, a solution that suits you both. He doesn't want you to smoke, but you do want to smoke. So, pack in the smoking, and wait a while, and then train yourself mentally and physically hone your discipline and only smoke on happy special occasions. Which is what I do. This way, he wins, and so do you. It won't be easy... but theres the trick, marriage never is.
That should suffice, it worked for me, obviously you'll need ground rules, you can't just invent excuses to smoke.
I suggest you compromise, if compromise is not possible, then... really, you have to go back to square 1, and that is a conundrum, he loves you, but hates the idea of you smoking. Its difficult there is no quick fix answer here... it comes down to it, if push comes to shove, are you prepared to sacrifice for the greater good of the marriage? What has he sacrificed or given towards the marriage to make it successful.
Give and take. That's all I can offer you Gina. The rest is up to you and him.
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