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Late Bloomer Smokers
Posted by Amy on 6/4/2009, 13:52:15, in reply to "Re: Hubby not happy"
75.185.196.138
Hi! Gina
Well Gina I hope your business trip is going well and from what you mentioned in your last post I hope you have been able to smoke as much as you want to. I know what it is like to feel like you want to smoke but can’t. I was on a three day assignment all so, I just got home Wednesday evening about 8:30 PM. I was on a b###h of an assignment, the CEO, ADMINISTATOR and DON literally drove me insane. So I had to do my job and put them in there place. I have tons of paperwork to do and a lot of data to enter into the computer. But that is my job and I love it!!!! I am taking a flex day on Thursday to get caught up on my paperwork and computer work. Work 2 hours Friday have my 40 in. THANK GOODNESS!!!
While I was in my motel room taking a break from everything smoking a cigarette I was brain storming on your situation. I come up with a scenario which I tried on my hubby Wednesday night after I got home. Hubby had evening meal fixed; after we ate I cleaned up the kitchen and dishes. I ask him if he would do some real soul searching for me. He said he would. We sat down at the kitchen table, I lit up cigarette and I told him to turn the scenario of liking me to smoke a total 360 and be against it. Of course right away he asks me why? I told him I had a lady teammate who started smoking and her hubby was not happy about it. He asks me how unhappy is he? I said I don’t really know. So I told my hubby here is the scenario, your against smoking, I am going to be that teammate everything is going fine in our marriage, until I walk in and tell you there is something we need to talk about. At that point I tell you I have started smoking. His response well before I get mad I need you to answer some questions for me. 1. How long have you been smoking? 2. How much have you been smoking? 3. Are you just puffing on them or do you inhale?
My answers 1. 2 weeks 2. 3or4 a day. 3. I do a little bit. Hubby pipes up, YES I am pissed. I said ok tell me why? He said well I thought we talked about this before and on top of that now since you have started actually smoking even a little bit you are going to get addicted. Correct!!! I did not say anything. I said ok now since your all ready upset were going to have a social get together here tonight and I end up having a few drinks and going ahead and smoking. Would that make you more upset? He said no only if it was family. I said why, I am the one that might end up taking the flack not you. He said you would embarrass me. I ask him if it would make things any easier for him to except if there were smokers in his immediate family or my immediate family he said yes it might, cause then he would be use to it a little bit. Then I ask him if I could smoke around him? He said well you all ready smoked at the social gathering in front of me so what does it matter now. The damage is all ready done as far as he is concern. What does it matter now? Then I ask him are you going to hold it against me. He said no but until I get over it I may not be in the best mood. I ask him if it would make him feel any better if I just refrained from smoking around him. He said no because I know your still doing it, so if your going to do it you might as well do it in front of me. Rather then behind my back. I said it is not behind your back you know I am smoking; I just am not smoking around you. Again he said you might as well do it in front of me instead. I ask him I said are you against smoking or are you against me smoking? He said well I would have to say I would be against you smoking for several reasons. I said ok name them
1. Health 2.exspense 3. Smell 4. Dirty Habit
I come back with starting to smoke at age 42 probably there is not going to be a HEALTH problem. Be glad I did not start earlier.
I work just as much as you do and marriage is a joint venture. I share the bills right, are bills not an EXPENSE.
I burn candles all the time and keep the house aired out anyhow. When it comes to SMELL it is no worse then smelling a cat litter pan if it’s not emptied often enough.
I am the one which keeps the house cleaned and dusted not you. It is only DIRTY HABIT if you do not keep ash trays cleaned up.
So I ask him I said how can we settle this where we are both satisfied? He said well, you no every good marriage has to agree to disagree. I said ok how do we do that? He said well first of all even though we disagree on this matter we need to keep the lines of communication open and not get distant on each other and now more then ever we need to show our love and respect for each other. I said I can do that, can you, he said yes I can even though we are not thinking a like. But to settle this in my mind I must have some more time to think on it a while and some more information.
GOOD LUCK WHEN YOU GET HOME!!
AMY
--Previous Message--
: Hi! Gina
: While I was setting in
: my motel room the first
: part of the week I come
: up with a senario which
: you may be able to use
: some ideas out of. My
: husband and I actually
: had fun doing it. The
: only problem is there
: was questions which come
: up in the senario that I
: could not answer
: correctly. If you find
: any ideas in senario
: which may help you in
: your situation you can
: post back with correct
: answers.
:
: SENARIO FOLLOWS maybe 2
: parts it is pretty long.
:
: Here for your support
: Amy
: --Previous Message--
: Hi! Gina,
: Sorry to hear your
: hubby is giving you a
: rough time over you
: starting to smoke. I
: thought I would have the
: same problem because
: niether one of us had
: even thought about
: smoking till I took a
: trip with the ladies I
: work with to Las Vegas
: last year and I started
: out there. But I tell
: you what I think the
: very first time he found
: out about it he was very
: mad because he did not
: find out from me he
: found out by getting the
: checkbook out of my
: purse and seen my
: cigarettes in my purse.
: He waited for me to tell
: him I was smoking. I am
: 55 he is 54 years old. I
: work for the Ohio
: Department of Health and
: have a very stressfull
: job and do a lot of
: traveling. It sounds
: like you may have a very
: stressfull job and do a
: lot traveling all so.
: Now since I have been
: smoking a year I would
: not have it any other
: way and niether would
: he. Now he actually
: admits it has made me
: calmer, easier to get
: along with,I can control
: my weight better, it has
: just changed me all the
: way around and my
: husband loves the way it
: has changed me. It has
: all so changed the way I
: dress and I do not mean
: I dress sleasy now
: either. I have just
: become bolder now in
: everyway. I use to be a
: puppy dog. Your of age
: and if you want to smoke
: which obviously you do
: go for it if he loves
: you and you have a good
: marriage he will not
: hold it against you. I
: can tell over the last
: year it has made our
: marriage stronger. For
: me the long driving
: trips are not so boring
: now.
: GOOD LUCK!!!
:
:
: AMY
: --Previous Message--
: Well I told my hubby on
: Saturday that I have
: started smoking. He was
: surprised that I would
: start a nasty & bad
: habit. I pretty much
: told him that I am only
: smoking about 3-4 a day.
: He was not buying it. He
: said it is just a matter
: of time when you are
: going to want more.
: Needless to say I have
: been wanting to do it
: more. After a few hours
: now I am getting anxious
: and feel like I need one
: but I did not tell him
: that. That night we had
: a social gathering and I
: could tell he was not
: happy with me. So I was
: pretty much smoking a
: little more than usual
: because of the situation
: and also because I had a
: few drinks it made me
: want to smoke more also.
: I have to leave to go
: out of town for work
: tommorow for a few days
: and maybe when I come
: home he will not be as
: upset about it. I don't
: want to become addicted
: but feel I have. How
: have other people dealt
: with this situation?
:
: --Previous Message--
: Hi,
:
: I am 42 years old and
: recently decided to
: start smoking. I have
: been traveling a lot
: with my job and was at a
: meeting recently and
: afterwards we all
: decided to go out for
: drinks. Everybody was
: smoking except I. The
: next day after work I
: decided to go buy a pack
: of Marlboro lights and
: try it out for the 3
: hour ride home. I was
: really anxious to try
: the first one. After
: lighting up and taking a
: few puffs I threw it out
: the window thinking to
: myself how can anyone
: smoke these things.
: After being in the car
: for about an hour
: decided to give it
: another try. Same thing
: did not really like it
: all that much, after 3
: or 4 puffs threw it out
: again. I never did get
: rid of the pack and just
: kept them in my glove
: box. About two days
: later I had a really bad
: day at work and after
: leaving decided to try
: it again. I ended up
: smoking most of it and
: it felt pretty good. To
: fast forward a little I
: have gradually been
: smoking a little more
: like about 2 or 3 day
: mostly in the car. My
: husband still does not
: know and I am afraid to
: tell him because I know
: he will not like it and
: it will cause a big
: argument, etc....but I
: know I will have to tell
: him before he finds out
: himself. I seem to be
: comfortable smoking only
: a few a day but lately I
: have been thinking about
: smoking more. I don't
: know if I should or if I
: should just stick to a
: few a day? And how
: should I go about
: telling my husband
: without him getting
: upset?
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
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