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My family and especially husband are very supportive and I am extremely lucky to have such caring and loving people around me, so I feel odd that I have this problem. everyone hears its a lumpectomy and no chemo, so they keep telling me how glad they are and its "better this time" and, "oh, good, that's lucky".
To me, its worse, because it happened again. I got through losing a breast, my hair and feeling from sternum to shoulderblade, but it was worth it, because it was over. I am extremely private so I don't discuss it, especially anything negative.
I really AM lucky its not as severe this time, so I don't know why I am so miserable. My husband is so loving and waits on me hand and foot after surgery, but he has only seen the mastectomy scar twice and it seemed very clinical when he asked to see it. It dosen't help that he is a "boob man". I dont even dress in front of him since then, much less anything more intimate.
I don't even know why I'm more worried and nervous this time, and mentally, kind of a mess. Maybe if someone else has felt this way, I won't feel so alone.
I will have surgery next Tuesday, and my husband offered to take me shopping the day after. How can I be annoyed that he tries so hard to make me feel better but he and everyone else thinks this is nothing worse than removing a mole?
I don't mean to gripe, but I feel better just writing this down.