Edited by post on 7/22/2013, 1:48 pm
Tuesday, I got a call from my dr. They found a nodule on my lung (same side as BC) and want to do a cat scan and probably biopsy. I have been feeling fatigue and chest pain (muscle cramps in shoulder and chest). I do seem to have shortness of breath, but have gained a lot of weight lately.
Also, over my last few check-ups, my tumor markers have been going up slightly. My Dr not concerned over this or muscle pain. She said the markers are on the high side of normal, but not enough for concern as they fluctuate with numerous factors. She was also not concerned with the pain in shoulder, explaining it was probably just a result of the surgery.
So, that brings me to the obvious. I have done a lot of looking on internet. Everything seems to point to a recurrence of breast cancer, with a secondary lung cancer. Of course I want to keep a positive attitude, but I had that when I found first lump and that turned out to be one of my worst nightmares come true. Everyday I look at my soon-to-be 3yr olds, I wonder if I will see them go to their first day of school, graduate high school and get married. Will I ever be able to hold my grandchildren?
I am so depressed, scared and negative right now that I can't even stand myself. My husband is a better mommy that I am. He is also 10 yrs younger than me and I wonder how much he can take. He doesn't deserve this, my children don't deserve this and dammit....I don't deserve it either. I have yet to tell friends because I don't want to hear the...your strong..you can beat this...think positive stuff. They don't understand...
In the past you have all listened to my whinning and given me the strength I need. I thank u all in advance.