hey all ! Thanks for the birthday wishes :)
Posted by Gale S.88 on 2/21/2018, 7:58 pm
So sorry I haven't been around but so much has been happening here and I finally have a break to tell you all about it. |
First, my mom fell at home Dec 29th and got a concussion, and bruised her back pretty badly. Long story short, she couldn't remember her birthday and she couldn't finish full sentences. I was really upset because they did a CT of her brain and urine tests thinking she had a UTI but her tests came back fine so they had no reason to keep her. Her diagnosis was dementia and altzeheimer's and they told me to call the doctor when we got her home for an appointment to see him. We (Mark and I ) took her home and that night she couldn't talk much . She was very frustrated and kept saying she had to do something but she couldn't tell me what she wanted to say so I just told her not to worry about anything, that I had everything under control. I had taken over her bills months prior because she would forget to pay them or lose the envelopes to send her checks and it just got to be too much of a hastle for me and for her so I told her I would do it from now on. She called me one morning on Nov 16th ( Tom's birthday ) before her fall and said she couldn't find her checks. I told her I knew where they were and she kept insisting she needed more checks. I told her I had ordered her more and that she had them and she kept saying she didn't. I told he the checks were ordered and I knew where they were and not to worry about it. Well, I worried about it because I was afraid she would tear the house apart looking for them and I was afraid her important papers would get misplaced so I went to her house and got the checks and her papers in her strong box and brought them back home with me for safe-keeping. That was the start of things going badly for her in Nov.
Our doctor had been aware of her unlocking the doors in the early morning hours and it was unsafe ! She told me to shut my mouth and I told her I wouldn't because it wasn't safe for her to keep doing that. Mark had told me she was doing it in the nighttime and they would get into arguments because of it. Then she started yelling at me so I told the doctor. I tried 3 different life-lines and she kept pushing the buttons on them and then tell us she didn't do it. I knew she had. So, I had to send all 3 back to the company. It's been one thing after another. She is incontentent so I had to make sure she was clean all the time and what a job that is !! I had stayed at her house with her almost non-stop until Jan. 5th when went to the doctor after her fall, he put her in a nursing home saying he felt she wasn't safe at home and I finally got some rest for a little while, but Mark had the flu and I got it from him. I was sick for almost 2 weeks and I couldn't visit her while I was contagious. Well, her hospitalization only let her stay for 2 weeks saying she had met her rehabilitation time and she had to go back home. I thought she would be there longer but you have to play "the game " I called and got her nursing care through a company called Direction Home. It is basically free because we don't have the money for 24 hr care with a private nurse . Someone comes 2-3 X's a week for PT and OT and they give her a bath so it helps me a lot.
Mark is giving her her diabetic shot everyday and is refilling her pills weekly. I do her laundry and put her clothes away and other household duties that I see to do while I'm there. So far so good but that is why I've not had time to post. I also had to go to a lawyer and get Durable Power of Attorney and Health Care papers notorized. Also in the process of checking on pre-paid funeral for her too.
If we go with Passport ( which is Medicaid ) she can't have any whole life policies (they consider that "assets " so if I turn them into a funeral home they can't touch the money from the policies. So that's on my agenda for this coming week. Also, her home would be considered money and would have to be turned over to Medicaid at her death and I'm not sure I want to do that yet.
I've also got to call Veterans Administration because they told me they have benefits for widows since my dad was in WW2 and they told me the veterans do not take houses so that is on my list to check on too.
Sorry for venting I'm not telling all this for pity, just prayers. It's been a rough go since last yr with Tom's cancer and now mom's health care declining. Her outbursts of anger with Mark is becoming more frequent and he's at his witts end too. She slapped him one night and said very hurtful things to him about his failed marriages and his kids and he was very hurt. I think she's hit him 3 or 4 X's and hit him in the chest too. Also the nurse was at the house one day last week when she was very angry and she saw it and told us to try to understand that it is the disease and not her talking but it is hard. So I said all that to say this... please pray for Me, Mark, and Tom that we will do the best for her. I promised my dad I would do my best to take care of her and that is what I'll do, to the best of my ability. I may have to put her in a nursing home if things get any worse. Right now this is what we're doing . I just keep thinking when is the next blow up going to be ? She did really good until this last episode last week so I just don't know, then the next day or a few hours after her episodes she's like nothing happened. Very strange disease and how it works.