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    Write-up of the 4-0 Vs Grimsby and how there's no place like home. Archived Message

    Posted by TrueFaithBook on 23/12/2021, 4:55 pm

    Hi all, here's my write-up of an unexpected visit to Edgeley Park for the 4-0 win over Grimsby. I'll link the Facebook version at the bottom. Please show some support over there and give it a share if you enjoy it. Thanks very much & have a great Christmas. Ta.

    At match number 42 I should have been inconsequential. I should have been a speck. A shouting, raving, rising, tiny speck of joy, complete with two arms, two legs and a replica shirt. Two arms, two legs and a replica shirt, in amongst a sea of thousands. Tens and tens of thousands, in fact. At half past 12 I was well on course, with a packed lunch on the passenger seat and excitement building in my belly. My face was dressed in a smug, satisfied veil. Behind it, my eyes watched ahead to the road, my ears tuned in to the radio. I was en route to Villa Park for the only remaining 3pm kick-off in the Premier League. I couldn’t have been happier.

    Half an hour later, everything turned from gold… into shit. Excitement made way for disappointment, Mark Chapman was reduced into silence, and my lunch was nothing but a ball of tin foil scrunched up in the footwell. The game had been called off. With just two hours notice, my mighty return had been thwarted by a Covid outbreak in the Villa squad. It had been more than 3 years since I’d seen my team play, but I’d bought my little brother a ticket for the Burnley game and woken up the next day with a burning, insatiable feeling of jealousy. There was only one thing for it. I granted myself a day off from this non-league non-sense, waved goodbye to thirty quid and set about practicing my yippie-aye-eh’s and yippie-aye-oh’s.

    After a brief sulk at a service station - where else? - I was on my way back up north on a mission. Stockport County were playing at home against Grimsby and Google Maps told me I’d make it with half an hour to spare. I’d seen the two sides play each other right at the beginning of the season, when it didn’t just finish 0-0; it lived, breathed, divorced, beheaded, died and survived 0-0. Somewhere in the depths of my brain the two sides are still playing each other. But even in my imagination they won’t score a goal. It’s like an endless, pointless rally between two scientifically infallible ping-pong champions from outer space. It could almost have served as an art installation entitled ‘The Futility of Human Endeavour’, in which the players represent mankind and the scoreline is an inevitable meteorite ticking closer and closer towards us whilst we obliviously tinker with our Fantasy Football teams. (Merry Christmas, always captain Salah)

    But that was a lifetime ago. Back when Omicron was just one of the Transformers and County were still coached by Simon Rusk. Things have changed considerably since then. So much so, in fact, that alone and full of coffee on my way back up the M6, I found that I was singing something unimaginable a few months ago…

    When I find myself in times of trouble, Stockport County comes to me, playing liquid football, at Edgeley, at Edgeley

    County fans, feel free to go ahead and steal that one, just make sure you buy a copy of the book. And no, there aren’t currently any plans for an eight and a half hour documentary on Cbeebies Plus.

    The game itself was more than deserving of its acapella soundtrack. Grimsby never got going and only managed a single shot on target - a sad, incontent pea-roller that was sarcastically cheered by both sets of fans - whilst County were busy playing like a team possessed. If their first goal came from Grimsby cock-up (it did), then it’s only fair to acknowledge that the lead was doubled through their own footballing brilliance. They cut their way through the Grimsby press like the decline of regional journalism, worked it from side to side like Beyonce in the late 2000’s, and found Ryan Croasdale on the edge of the six-yard box; he had enough time to set out a blanket, take off his shoes and enjoy an afternoon tea before slotting home past the keeper, but instead opted for the more traditional ‘one-touch, bang’ approach. What a gentleman.

    A clumsy, high elbow in the second half saw Grimsby’s John-Lewis gifted a - red - card in a rare reversal of fortunes, before goals from Ash Palmer and Will Collar saw the game finish with County four goals to the good. I originally swore off making John-Lewis jokes because I thought it’d be too cheap, but then I saw their prices. Luckily enough, I’m struggling to think of any more puns about the poor bloke so I’ll stop before I end up wondering if Grimsby have a stand called ‘The High-End’. Damn-it!

    Okay, jokes aside, I really, really wish that the Villa game had gone ahead. I have affection for Stockport and their football that day was more than good enough to make the trip worthwhile, but as I’m sure you can imagine, it just wasn’t the same. Not even close.

    What is it that makes football grounds such special, almost spiritual places? I was half-expecting to well-up upon my return to Villa Park. At the very least, I was a sure bet for goosebumps. One potential answer could be that it’s because of the memories that we’ve made at those grounds, but when I really stop and think about it, most of my time watching the Villa has actually been quite crap. I once saw Steve Bruce bring Christopher Samba on to try and snatch a win at home to Hull City. He’s a centre-back, it was my birthday, and the first game of the season. It finished 1-1, and that was one of the better ones.

    So it can’t be solely down to the memories. Why is that to the people who sat all around me, who jumped out of their seats and hugged one another even as the fourth goal went in, they’re sitting in ringside seats for the eighth wonder of the world? But to me, I still see plastic and adverts, tin roofs and blue paint? The atmosphere was great. The Upper Cheadle End played their part to a tee. The passing was crisp and the volleys stayed hit but by the 80th minute I was daydreaming, asking rhetorical questions and thinking of how there’s no place like at home.

    Stockport County 4 - 0 Grimsby Town
    18 12 21

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