The sun is out; there’s a thin veil of green indicating summer is waiting in the wings; the daffodils have burst into belated glory and the air is sweet. Saturday looks like it’s going to be a great day. However, for one chap (who we’ll call Clipboard Charlie) all that is about to change. Enter the Walsall Borough bullies: aka the Traffic Jobsworths...
I have just pulled into Walsall Station car park to pick up a mate in the motor home who wanted to avoid the dreaded weekend ‘rail replacement service’ when I first notice Clipboard Charlie (the names have been changed to protect the innocent). His high-viz indicates he is the co-ordinator of the train-to-bus operation so I approach him to ask the arrival time of my mate’s train. He is helping an old lady with a Zimmer to board the rail-replacement bus. As I walk up to him so does a Walsall Borough Bully (aka a Traffic Jobsworth). The conversation that ensues boarders on lunacy – believe me Catch 22 has nothing on it!
“You can’t park ere, it’s a disabled bay,” says the traffic Jobsworth.
“But,” says Chas genially, “this is a rail replacement service,” adding for the Jobsworth’s enlightenment, “the trains are off today and this lady needs to get to Brum.”
“Has the bus got a blue badge?” asks the Jobsworth.
Chas sighs, “No, it hasn’t - it’s a rail replacement bus.”
“Then it needs to go NOW,” barks Jobby, “it shouldn’t be parked here.”
Chas indicates that his passenger has a Zimmer and is clearly disabled. He tries to explain the bus is over a disabled bay because he needs a higher curb for the lady to gain entry. This explanation counts not a jot to Jobby, who produces his little ticket book and licks his finger. Chas quickly asks the little old lady, “Have you got a blue badge?” She shakes her head, “Oh no me duck; I can’t even drive.” Chas shrugs his shoulders, helps her on board and, fearing a hefty fine, dispatches the bus ahead of schedule.
Amidst a plume of diesel smoke Chas growls, “We’re supposed to running a timetabled service for the rail passengers here - people need transport.”
“Well, you can’t park anything here, they are disabled bays,” Jobby monotones and walks away, “and you can’t park anything there…” He indicates the turning area of the station car park where the buses have been picking up passengers.
“Friend of yours?” I ask Chas. He grimaces, “They gave me a £70 ticket a month back for parking my relief coach on those bays.” This was despite plenty of other disabled bays opposite being empty all day. Hmmm, I said I wondered how one is supposed to pick one’s passengers then. “Me too,” bemoans Chas.
I head off to get some coffee. When I return, no less than two Traffic Jobsworths are wrangling with Clipboard Charlie. They are refusing to let the buses stop long enough to pick up punters. I can see Chas is red faced and approaching something of a meltdown. “Okay,” he shouts to crowd, “the buses are no longer able to stop because if they do these gentlemen will give them a ticket. I’ll get the drivers to slow down a bit and you can all throw yourselves forward and try to jump on!”
Jobsworth no 2 tells Chas that he does not like his attitude; at which point the poor exasperated sod has a complete sense-of-humour failure and throws his clipboard, with timetables and pen, into the road. The two bully boys quickly radio for the services of a boil-in-the-bag policeman. It really was like watching a Norman Wisdom film. Picture the scene: two traffic wardens and a CSPO trying to stop our brave hero from carrying out his law-abiding work. Meanwhile an ever growing army of irate passengers can’t understand or believe what’s going on: passengers who’d paid for a train but couldn’t even get on a replacement bus.
Sadly, I don’t know how the story ends as my mate arrived and we departed the scene. However, I did phone both London Midland Trains and Walsall Council the following Monday. London Midland, strangely, had no one available to give a sanitised sound bite and all I got from the council was their party-line: “Vehicles can’t park there, blah, blah, blah - our wardens were only doing their job...” Yeah, heard that before; I suppose they were just obeying orders.
I wonder if Chas ever did get his passengers away?
Well details to follow shortly of the next meet just keep a look out
Toodle Pip Magic
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