So there I was a brave little soldier back from the doctors after having survived minor butchery and all I did was have one little roll-up and my support (ha!) team of Russ and Monty decided that I was right back to Day One of Fight the Fags. The utter, utter bas*****! I had clawed my up to Quad F and beyond but no, these jokers, these so-called-friends, had knocked me right back to the beginning.
You know folks, there is no one person more sanctimonious, more bloody righteous on this entire planet than a reformed smoker. Well, is there? As Monty and Russ patted each others pious backs on being nicotine clear for a month I was cast back into the den of the disgraced. “Yup,” grinned Monty, with his most awful of patronising smirks, “it’s day one for you ole son. You are a [expletive] let down...”
I had shown them my photo from last week. Surely, they could clearly see that I’d been through a trying ordeal. “What we can clearly see Magic,” intergected Russ, who always has an expansive way with words, “is a very naughty boy with a fag in his hands and smoke issuing forth from his lips.” The buggers had got me - it was there as evidence in the clearest of colour photographs. With glee Monty said, “You can’t even claim Quad F, Magic.”
Now, for those of you not in the know Quad F is a period in the life of a newly non-smoker that seems to be one of the hardest to reach. Put simply Quad F is Fag Free For a Fortnight and on several occasions the little non-smoking triumvirate of which I was a part had battled vainly to achieve Quad F status. In fact, it had taken about five attempts to get there. But get there we had and we were as proud as punch. Now, here I was cast out of the little clan (through no real fault of my own) and beginning life as a new non-smoker again. Honestly, it’s enough to make one have a fag; here Danny give us a light!
October was dedicated to giving up the cigarettes.
All of which leads me to the recent news that kicking fags is easier to achieve in huge numbers than alone (is that news?) and according to a large meta-analysis conducted by the NHS Service “group counselling increases one’s chances of successfully quitting by about 30%” Hmmm, thirty percent; so, Monty and Russ, I’m going to join a bigger - and much more supportive - group than yours (Cue SFX: a raspberry sound I think). The NHS study found a significantly “higher rate” of ‘quit-ees’ achieving a permanent end to smoking. Perhaps it might be easier to book an appointment with your GP but it's not .
Magic, leading the fight for a Quad F rating...
See you all at the meet,
Toodle pip Magic
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