Posted by marko on 1/30/2007, 8:26 am i wonder what your reaction would be if i told you scene 212 i continue to wait for some sort of sign. nothing so scene 213 i read that curling irons make handy detonators for scene 214 i could use some advice. somehow my checking account scene 215 i went to mckinley elementary school for half of 4th
24.2.116.192
scene 211
exactly how i feel. i wonder, because there’s no chance
i would. i can’t recall a single woman i was involved
with, that never asked me what i was thinking, especially
when in one of my sullen downswings. i don’t remember
a woman that didn’t say i was too moody. i once told
them what i was thinking. this was a mistake. it was
never the right answer. it never met expectations that
remain a mystery to me. so i began answering what i
thought they wanted to hear. this was a mistake also,
since i didn’t understand the female mind all that well.
eventually i began to mumble the non-committal—oh,
nothing. of course this didn’t satisfy anyone either.
however it did seem to keep the conflict to a minimum,
more effectively than previous attempts at make-believe.
dramatic as a star three times larger than our own sun.
or a fiery bush barking out orders to go get lost so
that i can eventually be found & feel eternally grateful.
i seriously doubt my back could roll away a stone large
enough to seal the entrance of a tomb. i used to go
down to the riverbank looking for flat rocks that i could
skip across the water. my goal was to make it to the
other side, which is ridiculously impossible since the
ohio is a very wide river. as wide as five football fields.
maybe ten. or god’s green acre, whatever that means.
i was always being accused of having no ambition.
but when i did set my sights on a plan, i was told
that i was being unrealistic. i suppose expecting a
sign from the creator of the universe would qualify
as unreasonable also.
bombs. all you have to do is squeeze. at my old house
there were always at least a couple curling irons laying
around. i’ve never shared quarters with another man.
always a wife or girlfriend, or my daughter, or alone.
i don’t own a curling iron. i have no need for one since
i have no hair on my head except for some stubble.
homemade explosives are incredibly simple to build.
not that i’ve ever built one. not that i intend to. my head
is filled with these sort of facts. i wonder if some day
my brain will run out of room, & i’ll be unable to store
any more information. will it spill out my mouth & ears
& eyes. or will my mind build up to so overwhelmed that
it’s blown to pieces.
is serving up numbers that don’t correspond to my own
arithmetic. i have direct deposit, which is handy, but also
a must for someone who lives in my neighborhood. the
government changed my ssd check from the fourth
thursday of every month to the third day of each month.
a letter said i would receive my january check on or around
the 2nd of february. yet a deposit was made before the
25th , but it was for about a hundred dollars less than i
usually get, even though the same letter states i no longer
have to pay medicare premium saving me almost a hundred
dollars because of my income. are you confused? i certainly
am. as a kid i had no one to go to for advice. i muddled
through what could have been simple solutions, as i’d
realize after the fact. so it appears that nothing much has
changed.
grade & all of 5th & 6th grade. ohio boasts of having
the most presidents born in one state. mckinley was
one of them. these men also have the distinction of
being some of the worst presidents in american history.
mckinley was assassinated by self-proclaimed anarchist
leon czologosz. so i tell people that i attended leon
czologosz elelmentary school. i doubt i’m pronouncing
the name correctly. but it doesn’t matter since nobody
gets it. not many understand my dark sense of humor.
only one woman i spent a lot of time with, would laugh
at all my brilliant quips & biting sarcasm. of course
she might have been faking. it isn’t that difficult.
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