Posted by marko on 1/26/2007, 8:37 am though you might mean it as a dig, i decide to take it as scene 192 there are no reasons left. nothing that would make me scene 193 i wasn’t seduced. there was no need for that. i wasn’t i may not be here when you return. that is, if you do scene 195 we’ve been through all this before. enough parables that
24.2.116.192
scene 191
a compliment. i won’t let on. it would only fire you up
again if you thought i got the last word. even if it was
unsaid. i keep quiet. i let you have your say. my silence
infuriates you further. as you tear into me i roll words
around my mouth with my tongue. i like to know how
they taste this time. you run down a list, that you’ve
obviously memorized, of my shortcomings. the manner
in which i choose to live, though choice is pushing it.
my always too casual attire. why do i drive an old car
when i could afford a newer one. my total lack of ambition.
my inability to make a commitment to our relationship.
i don’t put up an argument. there would be the point.
i’ll be gone soon.
change my mind. nothing that could convince me to
try it again, differently this time. nothing that would
make me hope for another chance. i did try. i looked
everywhere i thought you might be. i may have missed
a few places. i get lonely i admit. but at least i can think
more clearly. i crave the warmth of another pressed
against me. but it no longer seems worth your white-hot
glares cutting me down, & the cold rationale behind your
actions that seem so methodical that i began to wonder
if you had a heart, if there was any room left inside with
all that bitterness & anger & cynicism. then i began to
measure it against my own. i didn’t like what i found.
i miss conversation, but not ones so predictable that no
matter where it begins i know exactly where it will end,
& i can’t take going there any more.
working it with a passion usually reserved for always,
or at least one beautiful night. we could have been anywhere.
we could have said anything. but this doesn’t mean i don’t
remember how it felt. every look, every touch, every kiss,
every slip, every slide, every flow, every shudder, every
heartbeat skipped, every whisper, every mysterious flutter
against my ribs. in fact, these could be why i seem lost on
the initial details. i was later so overwhelmed by all of you.
my thoughts interrupted constantly, but gladly so. i stumbled
over lines that normally would spill out on their own. so
can you understand that what i didn’t say meant more than
what i was able to piece together at times. it was something
else. it had to be. if it wasn’t i could repeat every word.
scene 194
return. i hope you can swallow your anger toward me.
i hope you can blink away the tears. depending on
whether the place is emptied of all memory, or all
my belongs are packed up in boxes with a note that
says—if these aren’t taken soon or they will be disposed
of. i’ve gotten conflicting runarounds. i’m more unsure
than ever. i hope you don’t hear it from someone else.
i hope you don’t think there is someone else. i hope
you understand that this is a much bigger number than
any suspicions. it’s in an almost metaphysical realm of
abstract mathematics. infinity’s version of heaven & hell.
there are no more chances allowed, no more mistakes
allowed, no more excuses allowed. no more words asking
forgiveness. no more reasons not to stay. no more reasons
why i won’t be asked if i’m ready to go.
we should know better by now. but i don’t think we do.
you might disagree. you may have a completely different
perspective, though we saw the same results. you might
have no idea what i’m talking about. you may agree
that this is part of the problem. you might say this is
what’s kept us together so long. the vineyard was sweet
& a mellow high. but we may have trampled the juiciest
parts. the mustard seed we planted has yet to bloom. long
past a show of faith. the lillies of the field have poor posture,
slumping toward somewhere else. the sparrow has yet to
blink. we’ve been through all this before. i wrestled the
angel to a draw. you ignored the day of reckoning. you
never said a word about it to me.
Message Thread:
« Back to thread