Posted by marko on 12/23/2006, 9:11 am a failure to comply. my head slammed several times against scenes 27 it’s slightly out of focus, but you get the idea, right? it’s scene 28 how about surrounded in red & white roses? i was going i grew up ten minutes from here. except for five years i’ve i think the canvas is primed. i think it’s ready to go. all it stands to reason that those aforementioned circumstances scene 32 you have your heaven & i have mine. i would never try
65.167.39.199
scene 26
the windshield until it looked like a spider web. i thought
my arm was broken. i couldn’t move it for three days. &
bruises big as red delicious, about the neck & chest from
excessive pressure applied. if anyone was found in this
condition at any other time, the perpetrators would be
arrested for felonious assault. who else besides the rich &
politicians rarely have to answer for their actions. a failure
to appear. i got lost along the way. i’m not sure how i ended
up five hours away. but the directions weren’t very specific.
& there are a lot of older stone buildings that looked official.
& after all, what sensible person , given the choice of being
thrown to the lions with only an apathetic public defender
on their side, or going for a long drive—wouldn’t choose
the latter. hitting the pipe & wild turkey & listening to
the ramones. until we hit the coastline, & tumble out
on the sand. throw of off our clothes & butt heads with
the waves. a failure to all involved. i’m sorry, but i failed
to see anyone that was involved. i’m not concerned with
their opinions. i’m an innocent man.
a size too small, but i’ll grow into it. it needs turned up.
make sure you wash their hands when you’re done. it’s
a huge land mass & we’re three hundred miles inland.
so what’s with the reptilian texture & sand in your shoes.
it’s a good place to hide out, but i’m not sure i could
ever make friends with the vermin & cockroaches. it’s
not exactly inspiring, but what does it matter. i pawned
my typewriter last week & my guitar yesterday. it’s
almost the consistency of butter, don’t you think? &
close to the same color. but we have no eggs for french
toast any way, & who do you think you are—marlon
brando? it’s not hard. you cut the lock off & turn it
with a monkey wrench. let me know if you smell gas.
it’s a regular shangri-la alright. you got a cigarette?
to have carnations but decided, why not go all out. it’s
a good choice, don’t you think? i didn’t have the money
left to hire a band. i’d never use a d.j. on principle. i
thought you could run off some lyric sheets. & we could
turn it into an old-fashioned sing-a-long. are you serious?
you can’t bring liquor in here. i know they even have wine
in church. well, put a keg in the back of your van & bring
along a bag of paper cups. those guys in the dark suits
aren’t security guards. they get paid to stand there all
dignified looking, & sober-faced. have you got that poem?
& the stories i wrote down. don’t forget to stick them in
your pocket before you leave the house. better yet, when
you get home tonight. there’s some guaranteed laughs in
there. make sure you tell everyone it’s casual. whatever
they feel comfortable in. there’s no protocol here. i hope
it doesn’t rain tomorrow. it’s not like i had time to plan
around the weather. check this out man. don’t i look
like myself?
scene 29
circled this periphery my whole life. what do you suppose
that means? you’re right—i guess it could mean a lot of
things. i’m going to ask my psychiatrist about it. but i
wanted to discuss it with you first. because i thought that’s
what lovers do. you might not think so, but i’m really
trying. the river might have something to do with it. even
when i moved north i always lived within walking distance
of a body of water. it could have mythical or spiritual
overtones. you think that’s too obvious? about two hours.
nope. never got too far. except for summer road-tripping.
but those usually ended in disaster. all but that summer
i turned eighteen. unfortunately they close up shop in
september. no, i didn’t come back to go to school. i just
didn’t know where else to go. i needed to find a girlfriend
who had already graduated. i needed a place to live.
scene 30
it needed was a couple spark plug wires replaced. only
cost me a few dollars. my favorite color? blue i guess.
but don’t let that influence you. i have no idea how
important it is where we start. i would think it’s more
important where we finish. i know it’s a cliché. you go
ahead & wax artistic if you like. i’m listening. i would
imagine that blue was monet’s favorite color also. i read
that van gogh loved yellow. i’ve had a couple blue
automobiles. i can’t recall off the top of my head. i
don’t think i’ve ever had a yellow one though. i think
i’d remember that. i did have a light brown one, with
a dark brown roof, & an electric back window. first
one i’d ever seen. haven’t seen one since. those small
tubes are expensive. you can get a gallon at wal-mart
for about ten bucks. that was a joke. i can’t work
without a little something to kill the pain. i mean actual
physical pain. that & coffee. can’t work with alcohol.
i don’t know why. where do you want to go from here?
scene 31
would dictate what you’re looking at now. i didn’t say
anything about reasonable, did i? reasonable has no part
in this equation. it never has. i doubt it ever will. it’s not
part of my overall make-up. it could be psychological
damage done years ago. it might be chemical imbalance.
most likely it’s a combination of things. i think that’s what
they told me at the hospital. the psychiatrists man—who
do you think? it’s hard to remember that time span. i
didn’t know if i was coming or going. but as i was saying—
it’s hard to tell. i take a mood-stabilizer, two anti-depressants
& two for anxiety. i talk to someone every two weeks. i get
my blood tested periodically for liver or kidney damage.
not supposed to drink alcohol. when’s the last time you
had your blood checked? you can’t just look at someone
& tell. well, sometimes you might. but that’s an
exception. that’s a fluke, a lucky guess. i didn’t know
you could read minds. you should be able to parlay
that gift into a real money-maker.
to deny you your heaven. i want the same respect &
compassion i show you. i don’t think this conversation
needs consummated with a notary seal or a blood pact.
only the future knows how this will play out. if, in fact,
the future can predict it’s every move. i was naked &
trembling with signatures covering my flesh. can you
imagine what that’s like? to see yourself in a mirror
in that condition. scrubbing hard at the names while
you’re crying, & feeling so ashamed. you need to
understand that this saved me. i would never have made
it this far otherwise. i realize it’s a day to day savior. but
it’s better than no savior at all. you wear a peach-colored
hood & i wear white. both of our views are obstructed.
i can see little difference in our methods. the results vary
a bit. but i think that’s more of a personal preference.
you need company & conversation. i need solitude &
silence. i knew this would never work. but something
kept pushing me forward. something always seems to be
pushing me around. i call it satan. you call it unwilling
to compromise.
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