Posted by patty
on 1/25/2008, 9:34 am, in reply to "He resents me"
24.218.153.247
i know how you feel. my husband has a good job that challenges him and teaches him alot about his field. he's about to graduate from college with a degree in engineering (finally) he's been in school part time (i urged him to go back to school)and working full time. I've been very supportive of him, but because i've only worked here and there, he obvioulsy resents me. I am a singer/songwriter/guitarist and before i met him that is what i did besides working in coffeshops and retail stores. i come from a very poor but spiritually and artistically rich family. His family is well off, but mostly not very musically inclined.his mom's kind of insisted that to him despite his own electronic music talent. he resents my musical talent and intersts especially if they don't involve him. he knows i could make a good amount of money playing a couple of gigs a week, but thinks i'm being selfish by considering doing it now.i would not be very hard for me, besides convincing myself i'm good enough. i am reall good , i've been told, but not by my husband. almost ever. i recently lost a job, after i had a surgey (an abortion i thouhgt my husband and i agreed was the best thing.)my employer(a small company)thought i was hired knowing full well i was pregnant, which wasn't true. they fired me after the two weeks that i was told to take it easy by my doc, whike still working.heartbroken, but relieved (the job was a joke, i got no respect) i went on to look for another job.havent found one, the job market sucks , i'm seriiously depressed right now, and my husband resents me even more, and seems to almost despise me. last night i brought up that the abortion may have triggered the depression/ptsd and i did it for our family, that i thought we had agreed it was best. He told me "it was your descision, i just supported you in it". I remember it being quite obviious that he didn't think it was a good idea to have another child. I fought a deep instinct to keep the child, simply to keep things in balance, i knew he would resent me throughout my pregnancy and after for inconveniencing his career and education, i've sacrificed just about every thing i can think of so he can move forward. he dosn't even see it. I'm afraid i may want to leave him, but don't know how i'd get by at this point, or whether he and his rich family would try to take my children. i'm scared. I've even begun thinking he may divorce me when he's done with school. I feel so stupid. HE just doesn't understand that i need emotional support, not anger directed towards me. I guess his mom was emotionally unstable all his life, and he resents her for it. i can relate to her, my husband inherited his coldness from his dad. He oesn't understand that someone can be depressed without being able to explain it. not like he'd listen, last night he told me i'm stressing our narriage and family. he's had a drinking problem a long time, his whole family are high functioning alcoholics. I've refrained from it, because my dad had a serious problem when i was younger with drinking. My parents, despite their instability and difficulty financially, managed to instill wonderful faith and understanding of god. I'm a practicing hindu, and have been for my whole life. i meditate whenever i can and i has kept me sane most of my life (along with my music and art). i never pushed anything on mike (husband), only kept my own faith and practice, and talked about it occasionally. recently he's discovered god and faith. he's begun meditating and practicing yoga, and been trying to cut out drinking, which has proven very difficult for him. i think ther's a lot of anger and other issues having to do woth not drinking, or withdrawal symptoms, and i feel like he tries to upset me by being insensitive, so he can have an excuse to drink. after he asks me how i feel, i'll tell him, and end up feeling stupid because he takes my struggle with depression personally, and thinks i blame him for it or am being selfish by feeling this way.then when i get upset, he'll raise his voice and pour himself a drink.
I am now beining to feel resentfullnes from him due to my ability to meditate, and practice yoga, while he's only beginning. i only tell him or advise him onit when he asks.it's a very sensitive subject and his relationship with god is his alone.but still, ther's obvious resentment. i feel like he resents everything about me. don't know if its the alcohol thing or if he just hates me. I just don't know what to do. should i wait and hold on, hoping we'll get through and that god may shed some light on him, or am i fooling myself. I know this is long , and we sound so messed up, but i read your message and had to just vent.
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