Posted by L.J. on 10/15/2007, 11:58 am
172.166.76.98
Hi. I'm a 34-year-old female. I've been suffering from exhaustion and weakness since I was about 16. Just been getting worse as the years have flown by. My hair falls out (if not for minoxodil, I'd probably barely have hair. This started at about 16), I can't gain weight (home scales say I'm 99 lbs. I guess dr.'s scales would put me at 104, then. Most I've ever weighed is 110 acc. to dr.'s scales, even though I eat the same high-fat, high-calorie food most other Americans do), heart pounds and I get dizzy and out of breath when I stand up from sitting or lying for a while and when lying down at night, just feel like crap all the time, have some sort of digestive disorder which started around 1999 (stomach pain/discomfort almost all the time, pass bloody mucous almost daily. Yes, I've told doctors. They don't care, apparently.), can't regluate body temp. well; get hot/cold easily, esp. cold and tend to have cold hands/feet, acne, year-round nasal allergies, all kinds of fun stuff. I've been to doctor after doctor, starting at age 20, and have NO answers. They tried giving me a round of hormones. No help. Tried giving me a round or 2 of thyroid medication. Helped a week or so then nothing but a racing heart. I have NO life. Haven't lived since I was a kid. I just exist. No love life. No social life. No career. I'm basically a hermit. I can't even work anymore; I've been out of work over a year, much to my shame and agony. I'm smart, creative and ambitious, but being sick has taken EVERYTHING and every chance from me. If it weren't for my family, I guess I'd be homeless or worse. I'm so so sick and don't know why and now have no money to find out (before,I just didn't have enough $). I have symptoms just like CFS and Fibro., but no pain. Do you have to have that muscle pain? Sure, I feel a bit achy sometimes, but nothing like the symptoms I've read that others with this have. YES, I'm depressed out of my mind. BUT the depression came AFTER the illness! As I saw my life being robbed, I got depressed, who wouldn't? I have tried antidepressants, though. Several. They only made me sicker. And I'm the opposite of a hypochondriac, if anything. I'm the kind of person who will insist she's OK and push on through, even though she's really sick or hurt. How I've managed to drag myself through this long, working most of the time, I don't know. I don't feel doctors take me seriously. (And what is it with doctors? They're paid to diagnose and treat, not judge and make opinions!) Other than being skinny, thin-haired and having acne (!!!) I guess I look normal and fine. But I can't take this anymore. I truly wish for death, but I don't have the guts to do it to myself. I drag myself through "life," feeling like a zombie; like I'm dosed up with sleeping pills and valium every day. Like I'm 84 instead of 34. All this time. This is not living. This is just existing, like mold on bread. I spend a lot of my "life" on the couch. Exercise doesn't make me feel better; on the contrary, usually worse. I haven't even been able to make myself exercise in months. Even if I go to a free clinic, can they even help me? Isn't what they can do limited? So, if you're broke/poor, is that all she wrote? Is that the end? No one will help you? I don't have the $ to get well and I don't have $ cuz I'm not well enough to earn it! Is there any hope at all? I can't "live" like this anymore. If anyone has been there and done that and finally got a diagnosis, how did it happen?! What was the key? How did you make the doctor(s) listen and care?! Please tell me. I can't take this anymore! I'm just done. It is utterly unbearable.
Message Thread:
« Back to thread