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Posted by still struggling What has happened now is that I have let some things slip because I have been so absorbed with this whole thing and he has let the little things add up to big things. I have been trying to focus on Us and I have forgotten alot of the everyday stuff. I feel like he is nit picking at anything he can at this point. He thinks that I will never get over this stuff and he feels like we are just torturing ourselves with this and with financial issues. Not sure why this is happening but it is. I have told him if he is not happy then he needs to leave and let me get on with my life but he will not leave. I am so confused with all of this mess. Thanks for you help!
on 10/28/2004, 3:44 pm, in reply to "Re: Need some advice/help!!"
Hi Jody! Thanks for your response. Sorry to hear that your marriage did not survive but I am glad that you are healed. Yes, we did do some counseling in the beginning but we did not continue with it. The counselor that we had has never been through what we went through and I felt as though it was an hour for him and my husband to chat about their interest. This counselor also advised us to not discuss the Affair unless we were in a session. That did not work for me. If I had questions that I wanted answered, I got shut down by my H because of this counselor's advice. So, I have basically kept all of this stuff built up inside. We were supposed to try a new counselor but we never followed through with it. I am hoping that what he has told me is the truth to the situation, I hope there isn't more to it. He has been pretty good about doing what he could to rebuild my trust but the slightest thing can bring all of my insecurities to the surface. I also find that after a few drinks are added to the mix, alot of the stuff that I have kept building up for the last 2 years comes flooding out. I also have done some stupid stuff (Lashing out at the 2 OW). I do not think he has figured out why he did this but what we have narrowed it down to is that in his younger years he did not have much luck with the ladies and now he has matured and there are plenty that would love to have him. Both of his "Mistakes" have happened while he was drinking. So, we have come to the conclusion that it was basically the attention factor (I have seen a few come onto him in a very strong manner. He is in a band and you know how women like the band guys, especially the singer.) and then the alcohol factor and the issues that come along with a newly married couple with a new baby and lots of finances. Not sure if this is it but this is kinda the conclusion that we have come up with.
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