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Posted by sinbad's wife I was curious how he felt about that....I was curious about why he told me that much and if he would expand on it at all....I was also curious what it really meant...were they being understanding about boundaries that Ira should keep...or was it they they didn't think Ira could handle having a working relationship with a woman (I was most curious about that last part). I guess I shouldn't care....I guess I should be happy he won't have to work that closely with a woman or go on business trips with her (he has been training the last new male salesperson that they hired)...I should just be happy that someone (him or his bosses or both) are conscious of boundaries....but I was just curious what the mindset was when this decision was made and/or if Ira had any input and basically what he thought about it. Let's face it...our co-workers see us the most during the day....see how we act...see how we are especially with members of the opposite sex. They do have other woman/girls in his office...not as salespeople...but other females....how does he really act with them?....well his co-workers/bosses probably know best. I guess I just would love to have that kind of insight....and it makes me wonder if not hiring a woman salesperson has something to do with not trusting Ira in that sense. All the guys (salesman and bosses) knew about Ira's affair as it was happening....I tend to think everyone in the office did (woman included)...it's a small office...99% of the time the guys go to lunch together...and during the affair when Ira didn't go to lunch with them...they knew he was with the OW...because if he was with me they would know...I would come up to the office with the kids in tow and say hello. Just an aside...I have always been curious as to how his co-workers found out...did they seem him and her together?...did they ask?...did he just tell them? And how?..."oh by the way I'm having an affair"...or "I have a girlfriend." I have always wondered how he referred to her to them. Do you recognize it as an "affair"...and that this person is your "adulterous partner"?...I tend to not think so. Did he tell them he was meeting her and would be taking a long lunch...did he talk about it when he came back. All questions I have put aside....as not being worth asking....but I have been curious none the less. His bosses and the other salesmen are like family...they have been in our lives our whole marriage...they have been to our wedding (one was in the wedding party)...they have been to our children's Christenings and Communions...we have been to their family events. Maybe I'm just bummed they didn't stop him or tell me about the affair...although I know I can't blame them. Maybe I'm bummed that they may know him better (and that maybe he REALLY can't be trusted with a female) than I do (or I thought I did) and maybe I'm just bummed because he confided in them about the affair. Anyway. So my question to you....do I drop it or do I ask him how the decision came about? Do I ask him how he feels about it? I would think he would be disgusted/ashamed that his bosses considered his infidelity and based their hiring decision on it....but maybe that's just how I would feel and shouldn't expect Ira to feel that way. But I would have to wonder why he wouldn't be disgusted/ashamed? Maybe it's just not worth opening a can of worms. But I have tried to put it aside since last week...and it still has me wondering. Do I just tell him how it makes me feel and the questions/curiousities it brings up and not expect any feedback on his thoughts about it? (Like I could do that?...but I would try if it's really the best way to approach it) Communication is important...but when is it not right?...when is it just creating other issues that you know will get you nowhere or make you crazy. Because I know he probably won't have any thoughts/feelings about it...and that will make me crazy. If nothing else....I would hope he would be totally appreciative/grateful that his bosses are even considering him in such a decision....I think that is HUGE (maybe I shouldn't expect that either). Do I pull that out of him (to be grateful)?...do I make him see that? I just think it was so easy for him to not appreciate things before...so maybe he needs some things pointed out to him as a reminder or something...like "you see that's something to be grateful for" kinda way? I tend to think I should drop it...but I'm still so curious. But I know...curiousity killed the cat....right? Linda
on 10/26/2004, 12:08 pm
Message modified by user sinbad's wife 10/26/2004, 12:13 pm
Ira told me that his bosses were going to hire a woman salesperson (it would be a first for his company) and that they didn't because of Ira. He mentioned this to me during a quick hello phone conversation during the day while at work last week.
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