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Posted by apaman Then I read the others and they made me feel about an inch tall, then I felt squashed like a bug. I think this is very personal to you and you put emphasis on the parts that affected or offended you most. I think you misunderstand my idea of passion. My idea is long slow kisses followed by very tender touch, gradually building into whatever happens next, and it doesn't matter what. You see, what happens here matters very much "what". When I said I didn't want her to drop to her knees and give me OS, I meant just that. My preference is not what I saw in those pictures, but If I had to choose between what he got and what I get, I'd like what he had now and then. I don't mean every time, or every week, maybe monthly, at least for a while. BUT ONLY IF I CAN'T GET THE PASSIONATE SEX I DESCRIBED ABOVE. DON'T ANSWER I ALREADY KNOW. Because she loves me and she doesn't see that as love. So, what is it you reccommend other than I keep grinning and bearing as I have for 21 yrs now all together? I will read any book, talk to anyone. But she won't. She is over the A and her Mother. She has buried it away again. I will do anything for her. I think I have proven that fact already. I don't want a medal, I don't want porn. I want loved passionately. I want to experience her in new ways, which isn't a big step. I carress her. I massage her. I kiss her gently. I give her OS EVERY time we have sex. I tell her how I love her body. I tell her I love her just to hear her say " I love you too". But that is it. I don't get kissed, I don't get massaged, I don't get touched. I don't get OS, I don't here anything about me as a lover, or a H. To the rest. I appreciate your time and concern. I appreciate your understanding of my plight. And no matter what you think of me, I feel I have earned the right to have it, and maybe that's my whole problem. What I do know for absolute sure is that she is having a period once again and it won't happen for at least 5 days. PS: I just sort of puked on paper here and am not going to proof it. I hope it isn't too full of typos and you can follow my train of thought. I get a little carried away some times. Thanks Again All Dave
on 10/22/2004, 7:38 pm, in reply to "Sometimes, I swear my wife is braindead"
Message modified by user apaman 10/23/2004, 12:14 am
Lena, I read your post about "putting it out there" first. It made me see some things that I have selfishly let go by the wayside. It touched me quite deeply.
To put it plainly, I am tired of the same old sex the same old way. I try new things I get stopped. I don't ask for much because I know how it bothers her. You see, I just take what I get and every once-in-a-while I blow my stack on here or on paper, then I throw it away. This is the first time since the A arguments we all go though that I have talked to her in any manner that is degrading in any way. I am the family cheerleader. BUT LENA, I GET TIRED OF THIS.
Nothing changes, nothing gets better. I know I get what I get out of love. I know her perception of love and mine are very different. I know she has been abused many times in many ways. I know I took on the job of being her husband and all that goes with it. But as a man it is frustrating to have seen what I have seen my wife do and heard another man talk of how great it was, read his words as he told her he still has to masturbate thinking of how awesome she was. How she used to bring him to orgasm every time they were together when she was on her period....and I get NONE of the above. NONE! Now, who here deserves her best treatment? The one thing that I can't stop feeling is that he got her best. He got cards, letters, phone calls, the voice and sex like few men will ever experience....and I never have, all from the woman I married, 9yrs after we were married. Now, why is it that he had her for about 2yrs and got all this from her, every single time and I never have BEFORE OR AFTER?
I have a lot of respect for you and have always appreciated your posts. I can also say we always see eye to eye and are right now. You know she has issues that make her percieve sex as something other than love, so do I. You know she does just enough sex to get by and tries to show her love in other ways like being a good housekeeper and mother. We are on the same page. We both know she needs room where sex is concerned. However, what do I do when I have so much love for this woman that I think is the most gorgeous woman alive, when I want to grab her an kiss her passionately and find tightly clenched teeth. What do I do when I want to let our love flow as we experience all we have to offer each other and she lies flat on her back and listens for noises. How am I suppose to face this same thing day after day and see her and the OM together in a shower doing that very thing. Passion, hunger, saying they love each other. What do I do then? It gets a little overwhelmeing when I can't get relief of any kind. Yes he exploited that stuff out of her. But he got it. I never have. You know if I could at least say I know what it's like It would be different. But I can't.
Was there ever a time when your H could say that?
I don't mean that as a smart ass remark. I would like to know since we are being so up front. Was it like this for you too? You said you did all that and not remember...just like my W....But did you refuse or just never attempt to do those things with your H? If so...there's the difference.
You know, Lena, To this day she has opened her heart and told me how she felt about me ONCE and that was our anniv 2 yrs ago. I posted all about it. She wrote me vows. But you see in her family, and her way of thinking, she said it once, that should suffice. When I ask how she feels she says, "I told you that day at the lake, how soon they forget"
I get tired of it all Lena. I want more of my wife. Other people have stolen her from me and I don't like it. She is mine. It was love at first sight and It has never stopped. It slows from time to time, but never stopped. I tell her she is my "dream girl" and I mean it. I guess there just isn't as much of her as I thought there would be.
Please, Pray for us. Pray for me. Pray for me to have more patience, and her to have more passion.
I will never leave her, at least as of now.
My wife told me once to go have an A and get the kind of sex I want. Amazingly enough, That never crossed my mind because what I want isn't sex with another woman, it is passion with my wife.
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