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Posted by Lena My H too would come down when I was down but has since learned that I need him to be the strong one and that his being strong and insisting we will make it when I have all but given up is what is giving me a stronger sense of security and hope. Tell your H that right now you don't know from day to day if you can make it through this, emotions and pain are very powerful and require strong support to get through it. He needs to be the strong one, especially since it was his weak side that caused all this. He needs to show you that no matter how bad you get with sadness, pain, anger or anything else that it is up to him to keep hope alive and that he will never give up. That is what will give you confidence in his committment and help you feel secure enough to heal. Also, I too went back and forth about leaving H. There were days where the pain and insecurity were so severe that all I could think about was getting away from him. But as soon as I would leave the house I wouldn't be a mile away and be compelled to come back as I could not even stand to be away from him. Being alone while he is away is one thing cause you know he is coming back. Being alone and not knowing what will happen with him is far worse, trust me. But Dano is right, you do need to tell him that you flop back and forth about leaving him cause he needs to know that. Besides you still have the integrity to be honest and give him a heads up, not like the lying and avoiding he did. Don't go down that road. What have you got to lose, be open and honest about the good and the bad. It is the only way to change. Hugs - Your right on track so relax just a little and plan some romantic down time for saturday, surprise him with a good mood and some serious attention. you'll feel better and he'll feel better. Lena
on 10/22/2004, 9:01 am, in reply to "Going crazy"
Andrea I know you are feeling unbalanced when he is gone. But just a point of reference at this point in healing it is not just a BT because I would feel that way everyday when H went to work cause OW still works in same hospital. He would call me everyday on his cell to reassure me, but that did not help me either because he called me on D-day while he was still with her on his cell, so like you I don't feel any security from that. Unfortunately, that is all they can really do at this point, there is no magic behavior that will take away this anxiety, only time an consistency.
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