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Posted by apaman Thanks again Beth for your caring honesty. I appreciate it a great deal.
on 10/22/2004, 8:21 am, in reply to "Re: Sometimes, I swear my wife is braindead"
Thanks for your insights. You know you brought up one very interesting point. You mention the "context of loving passionate sex with my partner" That is the thing I crave, and you will see so in my response to Andrea, and my brainstorming there. I don't want her to drop to her knees and perform OS. I want "loving, passionate sex". That isn't what goes on here. She says she wants to get away, well, that is all but impossible right now. I have taken her away and it is more loving and passionate. But she says she can't with kids in the house. I think that goes back to her seeing her mother and fearing our kids will see us. I really feel that has a lot to do with her not ever offering OS here, and why the OM got it all the time at his house. You know, sometimes I want to slap her mother. I really do. (well, no, I would never do that, that isn't me) But Damnit! That woman has caused me more frustration from relieving other mens frustrations than should be tolerated by anyone....Does that make sense? In other words because she let all those men "rip one off, wring it out and put it up wet" My wife is severely traumatized and my FIL and I are the ones that paid for it. Of course he divorced her after 47yrs and remarried a woman 20 yrs younger, that also had a reputation for "tearing one up" and now he is getting his torn up on a daily basis. But not me. You know what our sex life consists of? I can have "sex" anytime I want that she isn't on her period, which is at least 10 days a month as she has a 20 day cycle. All I have to do is ask or show her I want it. I don't get passionate kisses, I don't get noise, talk, or anything other than her on her back. She usually has 2 O's and then its my turn. Clean up, turn out the lights. Hold hands and say our I love yous. If the bed screaks, stop. If I moan, my mouth gets covered. Her body is mine to with what I want. Mine is mine too I guess. And I would go away more often but why should we have to. She has got to learn that we are adults and we are married and our kids are 12 and 17, they know what sex is and I am sure they assume we do it, although I can assure they have no proof. If there are no kids in the house she is a different woman, but with her working, our business and kids activities, we run constantly and there is no time without kids.
DAMN, Now I am down again. What a freaking rollercoaster. You know, I can live with the A. I can handle that she felt the need to have sex with someone else, really I can. That isn't the issue. The issue is I DESERVE way more than he got, and yet get nothing that compares and he didn't deserve any of it. I am the one here, putting up with all this pain. Putting up with the years of her trying to run me off so she wouldn't have to face what she had done. I am the one that goes unsatisfied. I am the one that pays for the sins of her mother as well. Everyone else has moved on. Everyone but us. I am very sympathetic to her past. I am understanding, and God knows I am patient....10yrs and counting. But I am beginning to realize we are past 40 and things aren't going to hold out forever. Our bodies are changing. I want her to appreciate mine while it still looks like something. I guess what I really want is to make up for lost time and the way things are looking, considering its been 10yrs now, I don't think that will ever be possible. I don't want to wait until I'm 70 like my FIL to do it either. I won't! I guess I should just let her drink her wine coolers and go for it. Maybe she will then be able to understand that she can do the same things in this house without them.
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