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Posted by apaman I love my wife very much, but I have learned to allow myself to be me once again and I am happier than I have been in years. Nearly a decade. As for her thoughts about others, she may fantasize as that was a big thing when we first got married. She hasn't been with another man since the spring of 1997. OH DARN, I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING, her first time with the OM was 10yrs ago today (the third friday in October). I think I will go sulk. Pray that I make it through this day without paying him a visit and giving him something a little different for his birthday than he got from her 10 yrs ago. NO, NO I won't allow this to rule me any longer. I will go have a good day today, a grand day. I will celebrate it being over, I will celebrate love. I will celebrate the beautiful woman that lives in my heart and my home. I will celebrate that she is mine. MY DREAM GIRL IS STILL MINE! Thanks again for this board. Thanks for allowing me a place to brainstorm my issues. Thanks for caring about us, as I care about all of you. Pray for us, that this day is a celebration, a celebration of LOVE.
on 10/22/2004, 7:45 am, in reply to "Re: Sometimes, I swear my wife is braindead"
She did likely mean for me to respond that she was sexually exciting and pleasing. However, that was not a good way to do it. "One" leaves the door too open for someone that has her history.
She needed to ask directly how "I" felt about her body or abilities. Her body, I know how I feel about .... S-E-X-Y!!! But I am very ambivilent about her "abilities". The sex I get, compared to the sex the OM got is acutally an oxymoron as it doesn't compare at all . However, I must remember to add the fact that she was drinking and being given a date rape drug during this A into the equation. I also must give weight to the fact that she does truly love me to the best of her ability to love. The OM(s) were just sex. It is very hard as a male BS not wanting the sexual treatment he got. It is also hard in our specific situation to not insist on it, knowing that he took advantage of her in an altered state. By the way, she went to the grocery last night after we talked, and came back with some wine coolers. She has had very little alcohol since she discovered what the OM was doing to her. I have a suspicion that she is going to use it to get "relaxed enough" to "tear one up" soon. Again, ambivilent. I want the sex, but I don't want her to have to get drunk to do it. She has said in the past that she has to in order to do those things. I just wish we could have hot steamy sex that evolved into what ever happens, that's my fantasy. Maybe I should allow her to do this, maybe she needs to for many reasons. I have always refused in the past.
The OM was kind enough to tell us that in his letter. It was the day before his birthday which fell on Saturday that year. YUCK, now my day will SUCK.... No pun intended.
When I asked her to marry me, I never asked her to be perfect, just to love me. She does love me or she wouldn't be here facing what she did, believe me, her whole family runs from problems. She didn't, she stayed and faced up to whatever she has coming.
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