Posted by Andrea McArdle My favorite monster is the Wolf Man. I like to imagine that the Wolf Man and I are hog farmers, and at the county fair I get to put my hog next to the Wolf Man's hog. Wouldn't you like to put your hog next to the Wolf Man's hog? If not, why not? Well, that's about all I can think of to say. Except that if people ate with their asses, my wouldn't that be funny? They would have to sit backward in their chairs and stick their butts over the plate and then sit on the food. Then they would wiggle around as they chewed and swallowed it with their asses. Of course, everyone would have their pants down, and it would be funny to watch them trying to engage in casual dinner conversation with their butts squishing around in their plates of food, the air filled with soggy slurping and chomping noises mixed with the occasional fart. And the traditional custom of wiping one's mouth between bites would become a disgusting travesty as everyone wiped their asses with their fancy napkins as though they had just taken a dump. It would certainly make certain scenes in James Bond movies look rather odd also.
on January 24, 2002, 5:28 am
Gosh, I love your webpage. It's really swell. Everything about it is so neato-keeno and all. As I read through it, the word "super-duper" just kept swirling around in my mind.
And, of course, people would have to learn to wiggle their hips like hula dancers just to be able to chew gum. Smoking would also provide a wealth of visual oddities to be enjoyed -- cigarettes, pipes, and cigars would be stuck up people's assholes and they would blow smoke rings by farting.
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