Had a very interesting conversation with a fellow radiation patient today...I'll let you in on part of it...
You DON'T deserve cancer.. nobody does. It's not because you are not religious, or are.. it's not because you ate the wrong thing, had a baby, or didn't have a baby.. it's not because you were bad, your parents were bad, it's not because you didn't do something, or that you did do something.. even if it was a horrible something that you did when you were too young to know better... Cancer is a chance.. a genetic flip of the switch that happens to good people, to bad people, to everyone. It doesn't happen "for a reason", and it does happen when you least expect it, or when you did expect it. There is no figuring it out, there is no "next time this won't happen".. because there might be a next time, or there might not be... release yourself from the worry, the guilt, the "what ifs" of a cancer diagnosis, and put your mind to making this particular moment better... it's the only way to stay sane in a very insane situation, since it has no reason, no particular order, no understanding.
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