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Hi Mary, I definitely understand the roller coaster of feelings you are having. As for the chemo the first treatment was the hardest. I try to stay hydrated, vitamin E for the nails, immodium for the stomach problems, and some iburophen for the pain. That's how I manage to stay in control of this treatment. I prepare for the worst & take what I need. There isn't much we can do about the waiting but vent, cry, & then fight. As they say we are pink sisters on this fight together. I'm so glad you have support around you because I know that's what helps me. But I get online often because I still feel alone & pink sisters are in the same boat.
As for the time it takes from our lives we will look back once we return & look back saying I'm stronger. I'm sorry to hear about your grandma, but with your strength you will get through this. Please feel free to vent because we all hear you & can be here to support you. You are not alone in this journey.