[ Post a Response | Commitmentphobia ]
From Commitment Phobe to "I
Do"!
A strategic ten-step plan for winning your CP's heart and
getting that long overdue and much deserved commitment!
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Posted by Lorelei on 2/19/2007, 5:00 pm, in reply to "Lorelei" "I do not think I am strong enough right now (to leave him)." "I know I am not." Thank you for being honest! You know, the biggest hurdle in the journey towards healing is admitting that your relationship is not working for you. Next comes admitting that you don't have the strength to break-away from your unhealthy situation. This is a start. You are no longer operating under the guise of DENIAL! However, I have to agree with Too Nice....how bad are you going to let things get before you decide to do the work necessary to extricate yourself from this unhealthy relationship? You know, I doubt you realize it, but you are summarily being programmed to expect less and less. Why does it take your blind-anger to get him to treat you like you are worthy of being cherished and valued? I think your BF's sweet behavior today is only TEMPORARY in nature. He acts "sweet" to put out the fire of your anger, and when things get back to normal on your end...he reverts to form -- jerkdom. Annie - do you FEEL that you DESERVE better than this? I don't think you feel worthy at all. I am a recovering codependent. This means that I am constantly having to question my behavior and reaction to others behavior in ALL of my primary relationships. I have to do this, b/c I was devalued in my youth by a primary caregiver (my Mother), and so I learned early on that I had to do MORE THAN MY SHARE OF EVERYTHING in order to get the love and approval, which was missing within SELF. This SELF LOVE that I was missing (and had to work hard to find; and even harder to keep) is what I believe YOU are MISSING. And this is why you keep trying to get your BF to PROVE that he finds you worthy of love -- SO THAT YOU CAN FEEL WORTHY OF LOVE, WHICH YOUR SELF CAN'T PROVIDE ON ITS OWN AT THE MOMENT. Your relationship with your boyfriend is a codependent one, Annie. He treats you poorly. You admit it is so, and that you are unhappy with the way things have been and are. And you admit you are unable to find the strength to leave. So, please...go out and buy the book by Pia Mellody..."Facing Love Addiction". It will open your eyes to why Annie finds herself attracted to an unloving Man. Basically, he MIRRORS how YOU (Annie) feel about yourself. And that equals = NOT VERY GOOD! There is an old saying...."We attract what we are." I believe this is true, based on my own experience. The good news is...once I was aware of my codependent tendancies, each relationship has gotten better and better. And I truly believe the BEST is yet to come!! However, this time I don't need a Knight in Shining Armor to come and rescue me. I am ready for a healthy and stable man....real and flawed...but PERFECT for Lorelei. Your Man is out there, too! First -- you've got to find the REAL ANNIE! Hugs, Lorelei
Annie, 
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From Commitment Phobe to "I
Do"!
A strategic ten-step plan for winning your CP's heart and
getting that long overdue and much deserved commitment!
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