[ Post a Response | Commitmentphobia ]
From Commitment Phobe to "I
Do"!
A strategic ten-step plan for winning your CP's heart and
getting that long overdue and much deserved commitment!
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Posted by Kari on 2/11/2007, 12:45 am I have so many things to be thankful for and even on the eve of my father's 10 year passing, 2/9/2007, it was a day of celebration and glory for me in ways I cannot explain to you or even have you understand but know that it was for me. My father, in his guardian angel ways, rode my shoulder last night when I won $600.00 in a sporting event, (well needed money as her father months before had lost his job and all support was stopped and mainly her health benefits were lost -- a struggle for me to pay her private school tuition and battling with health care providers to get her covered on an HMO until matters took care of themself! A few nights before, as my daughter, on superbowl sunday tumbled down 9 (count them 9) hard wood stairs with only a scratch and a few minor bruises upon her. In essence, in the last 2 months, I have been asked to be in 3 weddings, (4 if you consider one person is getting married here and in Mexico) and it all is very emotional to me. For one, I am apparently loved enough (and even respected) by people to be even be remotely (considered) and/or asked to be a part of their wondrous event (and so very honored to participate in it), but at the same time, horrored at the fact that I am always a bride's maid (or maid of honor) and never an actual bride myself! I look at myself and the gifts before me, and although thankful and even grateful for them, I am also reminded that I am still alone and without my own celebration of life. What is it about ME that I am constantly reminded of everyone else's celebration of life and I am the one to be asked and even aided in providing (although happy to do so) happiness in their lives while mine remains unfullfilled? Why is it that I have found the losers - when everyone around me has found the winners? This is not a pity party but more so an attention getter for my own self-awareness as to that of others who seem to be going through the same battle. Why is it that others are finding what it is that we seem to not be? What is it that I am doing wrong that they are doing right? AND are they or merely settling? Hanna found her prince -- a success story for us all to admire and somewhat take notice of -- and in no way to be excused as jealousy -- but in essence -- a guide of how to do! Sally, Lorelei, KK, Lauren, Kimmers (aka Too Nice), Lea, (and the list goes on) -- all giving, loving, wondrous, special, caring, intelligent, independent, glorous, AMAZING, ETC. ETC. ETC. women -- YET are alone and seeking something that we just cannot FIND/attract? Why is that? It is all baffling to me, and forgive my candor, but it is down right unjust! Don't get me wrong and forgive me if I sound down and out, cause I am not, but rather emotionally overwhelmed, appreciative and more so honored, to have been choosen OUT of numerous possibilities, to be in other people's weddings, but at the same time wonder of whether I, myself, will ever have the opportunity to have my own day in the limelight and envy of others! I am constantly helping others pick out their china patterns, bride's maids dresses, wedding attire, colors, etc. and not my own -- and wondering does anyone EVER feel the same way? AND more importantly do you ever wonder how to help yourself change fate and destiny in your own life to make it all happen for yourself? I'm curious -- although it sounds as though I am down - I am not -- I am also extremely high and honored, yet again, to know that there is something about my character and being that is attractive to another women to want and even be asked to participate in their weddings but not attractive enough to a MAN to want as his own bride? It's been a real head scratcher to me lately and just curious to understand what it is about me that seems to attract others to me as far as friendships go (with women apparently) but nothing concrete that can attract, hold or get a real relationship in my own life for myself? Am I missing something here? OR is it just as simple as, I haven't found the RIGHT person yet and it's all about life timing and where my journey is leading me? A little heavy aforethought for the night but honestly I need to know -- as I value your opinions, insight, wisdom, conversation, etc, on this subject! Much love always
Firstly and foremost, thank you all for all that you have done for me. Your words of praise, wisdom, thoughts, comfort and insight, etc. have helped me to become an even better person today than I was before. Enhancing my natural given talents to care, love and help other people has always been my calling and my God given gifts to man kind. I am very grateful for the things in my life, tangible and yet some not so tangible such as all of you, since I am the huggy sort of person, but I am appreciative and even hopeful that some day we will all meet, shake hands, hug and even share a few tears of joy with each other in some sort of planned reunion amongst us!
K
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From Commitment Phobe to "I
Do"!
A strategic ten-step plan for winning your CP's heart and
getting that long overdue and much deserved commitment!
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