Posted by David Banner on January 29, 2003, 12:41 am, in reply to " body builder she hulk" Nancy started to shake, and her head hurt. "Ooohhhh my head! I am getting dizzy. I feel my hands shaking so much!" Present tense is OK inside the quote, just like you have it. Outside the quote, return to past tense. The helpless girl transforming to an all powerful hulk seems to be your thing. I should not have scoffed at your work. Especially since you obviously work hard at it. I hope you can make use of what I've offered here.
This is a lot better, Luis. But you might try fundamental things like capitalizing the first word in a sentence as well as capitalizing proper nouns like 'Nancy'. It goes like that in all languages. Also, you sometimes jump tenses, a mistake we all make from time to time. Try to stay in the past tense, which you do for the most part. Also, if you're going to quote someone, start a fresh paragraph and use quotation marks.
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You wrote it like this:
nancy starts to shake, and her head hurts.oooohhhh my head! iam getting dizzy.i feel my hands are shaking so much
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It might be better something like this:
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Just my opinion, but once something is bigger, that's as big as it gets. It sounds a bit much with all the "bigger, bigger"stuff.
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