Posted by S on 3/7/2009, 2:40 am, in reply to "How honest should I be about my feelings?"
I'm not sure the lenght of the affair has a whole lot to do with the severity of the pain. My spouse had an affair that went on for years ... longer then many people's marriage. It had it's own life.
What can haunt one forever ... are to many details of the affair itself. In my case all questions were answered in the early questioning.
Certainly my comments were very hurtful, but my pain was tremendous.
In regards to the reason for the affair. Intial answers were, "You were so busy in your life, I was lonely. They listened, when I talked". What helped continue the affir ... was the excitement the adventure of doing somrthing .. and not being caught. Just knowing that hurts.
As with many affairs ... overtime ... the luster ... the excitement lost it's glow ... as to what they were doing, and how wrong it was, became a reality.
Looking back ... I regret many of the things that I said. They did not help the marriage ... just deepened the pain for both of us.
Conclusion: To many details of the affair itself and the hurtful comments should be avoided. More time should be spent on the rebuilding process, if you both want to go on wth the marriage. That should be decided early on.
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