Posted by Allen on 2/12/2009, 6:14 pm, in reply to "Re: How to get the images out of my head"
Joy,
I'm sorry, I really didn't finish my thought the last time. What I meant to say is that I don't believe that just because a person cheats means they're doomed to forever repeat their mistake. I do though have to accept the reality that my wife has cheated on me, and that's something that neither of us can ever take away, and I hate to have that fact forever in our marriage, although I believe that the memory will fade over time.
I don't plan or want to leave my wife, I do love her as much as I always have, despite what's happened. I guess that's what makes this that much harder to deal with, is that I do love her so much, and believe that she loves me. I'm one of those corny, old-fashioned guys who thinks we were destined to be together, but there's a lot of history behind that statement to make me believe that to be true.
Anna,
It’s helpful to listen to someone with your perspective. Your situation sounds very similar to ours. My wife really hasn’t ever been a very secure person even though I've always told her she is an intelligent, beautiful woman and a wonderful loving mother. But after a few years of marriage, things just weren’t as rosy as they were at first, She was unhappy with many things in her life, not being where she thought she would be with things like career, and I became lazy in the relationship, and she was angry at me too, and to an extent, she was justified in being angry at me, although I agree with what someone else said, I don’t accept the blame for the choice she made.
Lily,
I like your idea of how you handled the OW. I’m sure this man knows just how low of a person he really is, but right now, I wouldn’t mind running into him and having the opportunity to “express my anger” with him. I know that wouldn’t fix anything that’s happened, and could make thing worse for a while, but it’s a nice thought every now and then.
I had thought about counseling back then, when I realized we were obviously having some marital issues, but my wife said she would not do anything like that. Even now she’s said she wouldn’t, but from her point of view, this happened a long time ago and she had put it behind her for the most part. Is it really necessary, or can a couple work through this themselves without any outside help?
