Posted by Joy on 2/9/2009, 8:31 pm, in reply to "Re: How to get the images out of my head"
I don't buy into that 'once a cheater' thing. It that saying that everyone who makes a terrible choice, does something wrong is condemned to repeat whatever wrong that was? Every one of us is capable of falling to temptations and weaknesses. We also have the ability to learn from our poor choices and change for the better.
Many a former wayward spouse will deny at first, in a desperate attempt to save themselves from the consequences. Affairs are not always about something wrong in the marriage, but also about something lacking within the individual at the time. A need for validation, an ego boost at a time of weakness. Depression, lack of self esteem, even looking for an escape from the 'real world'. There are many 'excuses' but your wife will have to dig deeper within herself to find her own 'why'.
Those mental images can be horrible in the early months, we obsess and make the affair more than it was! The truth may be painful, but what we imagine can be worse! Good thing is that those thoughts and images, even in our dreams do fade with time and effort on both sides. No quick fix, it takes months, even into years to really heal. But, eventually, it just becomes a painful time of the past. More matter of fact. Nothing will change the fact that this happened. But, even if you leave her, that will remain. You now know your enemy and can build stronger boundaries together to protect your marriage in the future.
Check the article linked on this site about stages of recovery.
There are many great resources out there.
The best book I read was:
"Not Just Friends" by S. Glass
A yahoo group with many articles and links saved in files. Simple to join, then look under FILES.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTalk/
