Posted by Allen on 2/8/2009, 9:49 am, in reply to "Re: How to get the images out of my head"
That's exactly what I told her, the truth was probably much less exciting as it really was, because I was pretty much imagining everything possible. After hearing what she had to say, it wasn't nearly as drama-like as I had been imagining. Yes, I still get mad, and the last couple days seemed to backslide and was really moody and depressed, and led to an unhappy weekend for both of us. What doesn't help is that he lives right down the street from us, so I'm constantly reminded of him every time he drives by, or I see him around town. We live in a very small town, so that happens pretty often. Let me say that this is something completely against my wife's character, and I do believe she had a lot of stress in her life at the time, a lot of it which I contributed to by not being as close as we once were, not helping her around the house and with the kids. I have to admit that I got to probably taking her for granted. She's the kind of person who doesn't even like wearing a shirt in public that shows just a little of her upper chest, and kills her to wear a bikini at the beach. She is an attractive woman though, which I always try to tell her. Before me, she was only with one man, and I've always wondered if that would be a problem later in life. The man she slept with is sort of the man-whore of our little town, and she says she did it with him because she knew he would be easy. I've pretty much got all the questions about the how's and where's, as much as is possible considering this happened over 5 years ago. What she can't tell me is why, she says she just doesn't know why she did it, and wouldn't do it now, and I don't believe she would have done it earlier in our marriage. I've read a lot of stuff on the internet, and a lot of it sounds exactly like what happened with us. What do you all think, is it possible for someone to feel lose it and just do something that is totally against their character? I can remember at times in the past waking up and she would be crying in bed and I'd ask her what was wrong, so now I guess I know why. I've always felt that I was a person who could forgive one transgression, if I really believed the person was sincere in their apology and truly regretted what happened, but I couldn't go through this again. We've been using email for some of our conversations, because it's easier to ask some of those tough questions, and for me sometimes, I can get my thoughts straight before sending them to her. Then if there is anything I have questions about, we talk about it. One final thought, it is just such a hard thing to accept because if she hadn't approached him, it never would have happened, and shouldn't anyway because she had only known the guy a few weeks and then only briefly talked to him at times before that. It truly was only about the act, not about any feelings. She said she just felt like she didn't care about anything back then, but still did love me.
