Posted by Going crazy!
on 1/11/2009, 11:08 am
Hope someone can help! This could take a while.... First of all my husband had an affair with my best friend about 5 years ago. I didn't even see it. They were working together and I was even watching her kids. She was the first friend that I had let into my life in a very long time. This went on for several months. I actually had heard that something was going on with another friend of mine and confronted him and he came clean that it was this friend!! I was angry and hurt. But I didn't want this b###h to have my husband, how sick is that. And I really did love him. He told me that he was in love with her and actually left for a little while. Wow, I could not believe it. I told him to do what he had to and that I would always be here to save my marriage and my family. That is what a wife is supposed to do right? Well he came back saying how sorry he was and that he wanted to save our marriage. Well he continued to have contact with her. Once again I confronted him and once again he was defensive and actually blamed me for not giving him the attention that he needed! Anyway we went to a few therapy sessions, very expensive! We continued to work on it but have never really dealt with it. It didn't help that I was smoking massive amounts of marijuana and hiding from my felings and hurt. This lifestyle has continued over the years. What a mess! Long story short, I finally after 15 years have stopped my drug use and am now in recovery, I was tired of living a lie and now am dealing with myself and my FEELINGS! Boy does it suck, but I know that I there is a better life out there for me and my 2 children 10 & 16. My son knew about the affair, because he lost a good friend because of it and was very angry at my husband. I was on the road to a better life, dealing with all of this crap. My husband was a bit confused that I was actually dealing with this addiction and felt left out "What about me" he says. Well I cannot make you happy, you have to find that within yourself and we actually had several long talks about this. Thought he actaully listened. Well, I have been quite suspicious of him lately, on our cell phone bills he is getting and sending 400-500 messages a month. I asked him about it and he names all of the people that text him. Also several private calls a day, also asked him about this and once again the same answer. Well I check his phone and there are no messages, who erases there texts daily unless they have smoething to hide? Well I checked online and found the number that has been texting him and called it and it is the friend that I thought he was first messing around with. A friend that has continued to be in my life all of these years! She just went through a divorce and we have given her money and food and let her kids stay with us when they had nowhere to go. Her daughter was my babysitter!!! She watched what I went through, I even cut her out of my life 5 years ago because I didn't want any friends. Eventually she wormed her way back in. I knew she had a crush on him several years ago, how stupid was I? Anyway I called and asked her whay she was texting my husband and she told me "If you have problems with your husband then talk to him about it!". You bet I did, he tried saying it was not what I think, that she was just someone to talk to, because once again, I was not there! Well I actually believed him!!!!! Until she sent me pictures of them on my phone. He couldn't quite deny it now could he? Well he wants to work it out and told me that if I was ready to be his wife he will be the best father and husband ever. Now that I am in recovery I am becoming a different person , for the better. Not sure if I can do this again? He says we can get counseling, but can I ever trust him or get past this. Says he is sorry for what he has done , does not blame me and told me that no matter what to focus on my recovery, because he likes the person I am becoming. I dont know if we ever knew each other. But we have had some great discussions since this has happened. We are actually communicating, that is a first. But I dont know once is enough but twice. I don't know what to do, anyone have any advice. I would like to save my marriage, but is it too late? I really love him, I don't think he did all of this to hurt me, I think he has serious issues and needs to deal with them. Help, I know this was super long, but it feels good to get it out. Thanks!
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