Posted by Lily on 11/2/2008, 1:01 pm, in reply to "recovery"
Your insistence on saving your W pain may not be the best thing in the long run. She does need to face what she has done and learn ways to never let such a thing happen again if you have a chance of saving your marriage. It never helps to try to hide feelings and your feelings need to be expressed and, to be honest, she is supposed to be helping you to heal, not you worrying about her at this point.
I would suggest therapy for you both. In a neutral place with a neutral person there, you can say what you think and how you feel while your wife listens. She would also have the opportunity to do the same and you both may learn a lot by listening to each other.
You may have been not paying the amount of attention to your W that she needed but she made the poor choice to go outside the marriage to get some excitement. Trust is something that takes years to gain and it is gone in a second. Now would be the time for her to open up to you, tell you the whole truth and offer whatever she can (email passwords, cell phone records etc.) to prove to you that nothing is going on.
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