Posted by fred
on 11/1/2008, 11:16 pm
about 3 weeks ago I discovered my wife of 9 years was having an affair I cant begin to describe how hurt and angry I was and still am the truth is I havent been paying enough attention to her and was neglectful of her needs that dosnt excuse the affair but I have to be fair about this I contributed to it and a 19yearold took full advantage of that fact well I did not immeadiatly confront her first I wanted to fix the attention issue be the man I once was before all the long hours at work wore me down next I made the decision to forgive her I actualy wasnt going to tell her I knew about the affair because she ended it but I could tell she was toiling with the guilt? not sure if that was it but probably a close guess well after a couple of good nites the sex dried up and i could tell she had alot on her mind so when she came to bed i put my armes around her told her to look me in the eyes and told her i loved her and she needed to roll over and with her back to me I told her it was very important she listen to everything I had to sayi told her i knew about the affair and how it hurt me I told her about how I caught her and that I was worried about loosing her and that was not what I wanted to happen i told her I had already forgiven her before I ever even engaged in intercourse with her so if she was affraid I d divorce her thatwas not going to happen I took responsibility for my part inthis whole thing assured her I would make time to fix us and that i didnt want her to bear this burden alone well that was 3 days ago I know she feels guilt now and that she wants to rebuild the trust we once had and I told her I trusted her i dont have a choice but trust her for this to work and I do trust her yes I worry but as far as trust goes I still do trust her my question is how do I help her deal with her pain I see no need for her to suffer me I can deal with the hurt Im expierencing because shes worth it so how do I help her? thru this she doesnt have the same coping skills as i do and womens minds work way diff than men so any advice would be greatly appreaciated
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