Posted by Miki on 9/25/2008, 9:33 am
My husband had an affair 4 yrs ago. There was no sex strictly emotional involvement. (which helped him justify that it was ok)He thought he wanted to marry this woman at the time. They worked together and talked via messenger throughout the day taking breaks together, etc until feelings evolved and they thought they were in love. Maybe they were..I dont know. I just know anyone could develop feelings for someone who invested that kind of time with them.
Anyway, it was hell for me. It came out the week of my 20th wedding anniversary. It was very very difficult but we stuck with the marriage, talked for hours and hours a day for months and months after...sometimes calmly, sometimes with me getting hysterical or angry.
About a yr and a half later, I honestly felt completely healed. Things ended up better than they had ever been with us. I finally got to the place where it never even crossed my mind anymore and he never again gave me reason to doubt his love for me.
The woman left her job so he no longer saw her but we still live in the same town. It's now 4 yrs later and for the first time in almost 2 yrs, he passed her in the Walmart parking lot. They made eye contact and looked away (they were driving). He hasnt talked to her at all in the last 4 yrs but since that chance meeting it's been obvious that it bothers him. He kept blowing it off at first when I asked him about it but finally admitted that maybe he wasnt over her like he thought he was. Needless to say, I am devastated!
Now he's feeling confused, sobbed last night because his feelings coming back to him for her are hurting me, and I sobbed because I feel like one sighting of her has put us back to Square One. Any advice for me? Or for him?? I've tried to tell him seeing her of course brought back those feelings but it's a fantasy...they never even had any real life situations to deal with! Reality with her would not be some fairy tale where the bills werent piled up, etc etc...Nobody's is.
He feels bad being here wondering how it would be with her, but I asked him last night.."Ok so if you went with her, you wouldnt still have feelings for your wife of 24 yrs? And are you going to feel guilty thinking of me if you're with her?" He's honestly as mixed up as I am about what to do. I dont want to be a fool and have a husband being with me but wondering how it might have been with her. I dont know what to do.
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