Posted by Sophia
on 9/3/2008, 7:58 pm, in reply to "my husband cheated on me"
Dear Tara,
Being betrayed by our "best friend" is probably the worse pain in the world and the pain takes a long time and a lot of work to leave us.
Your whole world has been turned upside down and nothing is as you thought it was. Your sense of trust is all lost and will take much work to restore.
Your marriage can be saved, and infact, this can be an opportunity to make it much better. However, you must get through this initial most painful stage first. Your husband must be willing to do all that he can to help you to do this. The first rule must be that he have no further contact with the other woman. Absolutely none. If this is not accomplished, you will not learn to trust again. He must be willing to tell you the whole truth about the affair and about his life. If this is not done, again, you will not be able to trust him. He must be willing to tell you everything that you want to know, and he must be willing to put up with all of the mood swings that you will experience.
Get some books on recovery and read them together. Some good ones are "After the Affair" by Janis Abrahams Spring, Ph.D., "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass, MSW. There several others also.
Getting very professional marital therapy is very important also. This will help to sort things out now and help you heal and help your husband to understand what was in him that allowed him to stray. Then, through therapy, you can work on marital improvement. There is a website called www.dearpeggy.com that has a list of therapists all across the country who specialize in affair recovery.
This work will take quite a long time but you may come out of it will a wodnerful marriage.
Good luck and write when you have questions.
Hugs to you,
Sophia
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