Posted by Lily on 9/3/2008, 10:16 am, in reply to "my husband cheated on me"
Tara: I am always sorry to see someone new come to this site. What has happened to you is devastating and will not go away in a hurry and certainly not in your's husbands timeframe.
Even though you admit you had pushed him away somewhat that is not an acceptable justification for what he did so please do not take any guilt for his behavior onto your shoulders. He was not totally happy in his marriage so instead of putting the effort into making the marriage better he chose the "easy" way to find pleasure and he was 100% wrong to do that.
First of all, has all contact with the OW ended? Since they were business associates that makes it tricky but it is important that he does not see or talk to her at all.
Did he express remorse? Did he agree to counceling? Will he answer any and all questions you ask in an honest manner? He needs to see your pain and your anger so he understands how deep this wound is. Trying to cover up will the wound and pretend it is not there will only make it worse and statistics show that, if the BS allows it to be swept under the rug and just goes on as though nothing happens, the WS will very likely do it again down the road.
Any feelings you have are normal. If you cry all day, if you want to hurt him like he hurt you, anything is normal. As the months go on you will level off somewhat but things like the anniversary of the day you found out or other days with bad memories attached will trigger the anger and pain all over again.
I would find a good marital councelor and insist he go with you. Sometimes having a neutral person giving feedback will help the WS understand how deeply he has broken the bond between you. Healing from an emotional wound this deep can take a long, long time and requires his total committment to helping you.
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