Posted by Roman on 7/20/2008, 6:45 pm
This story is going to sound like something that is completely fictional, but unfortunately it isn't. My wife went to a hypnotherapist over a simple phobia. Unfortunately, the hypnotherapist proved to be a disreputable sort, and used hypnotic suggestion to first induce my wife into buying all sorts of books and taking various classes. He then expanded this to include my wife in "advanced" courses on hypnotherapy itself. During these classes -- held over a 18 month period, and costing thousands of dollars -- he would combine spirituality with hypnosis, teaching his students that a life free of relationships was one to be sought. He openly advocated breaking up marriages, meanwhile endorsing sex for purely selfish pleasure. Soon enough, older students and most males dropped out, and the teacher was left with the younger females... in a sense, he created a harem. To make a long story a little less long, my wife wound up having sex with multiple men, and eventually even running ads on internet sites and meeting men for casual sex in hotels and in parking lots. I found out and, with some therapy, we have deprogrammed my wife.
It's worth noting that prior to this, we were married for 13 years and she never once had any sexual compulsions or inclination to cheat. She has been seen by no less than six therapists (psychologists, psychiatrists and others) and all agree that her "acting out" was induced by this hypnotherapist. We have records -- including recordings -- which support this. My wife wasn't the only woman affected - at least five, maybe as many as ten, were also. Most of those women are still "under the spell" and cannot help us. But we are taking action.
Unfortunately, this does me little good. If it were a simple case of a wife cheating (whether once, as in an affair, or mutliple times as a sex addict) the solution would be simple: divorce. But because this was externally induced by someone with a devious agenda, I find it harder to divorce her. In all likelihood, with much additional therapy and support, she will never fall into that state again.
But I am plagued with flashbacks and nightmares. It has been three months now, and I still can only sleep with the aid of pills, and can barely work. I break out into hysterical fits of crying every day.
Because of the strange nature of this case, no standard approach is working. 12 step, cognitive behavioral, traditional "Talk therapy" all are failing for me. A number of professionals have come right out and said they cannot help because the situation is so strange. Others I have dropped, since they rely on "scripts" that don't address the specifics of my situation. Nothing is working. I feel utterly destroyed, and can only fight the images in my head of what my wife did with these men. The sheer size of it -- the number of men, the amount of time, and the amount of lying that went on -- is staggering. Yet, it was externally induced. And she appears to be "back" and is returning to a healthy state.
I can't divorce her. I don't want to divorce her. I want to forgive, take action against the hypotherapist (so he stops doing this to other women), and then move on. But these flashbacks and nightmares are preventing me from doing simple things like eating and sleeping.
I'm open to any thoughts.
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