Posted by Lily on 6/6/2008, 11:13 am, in reply to "Husband on myspace"
Sometimes the internet type of A can be more difficult to stop since it is so easy for the WS to use a different computer and a new password. Apparantly he also works with her which makes for another problem. Your H stepped over a line the minute he started discussing your marriage with this woman. What he did with his words such as "loathing" you was to make himself look like a victim living with a ogre since that, in his mind, gave him a justification for his actions with this OW. He certainly was not going to admit to himself or to her that he is a selfish immature jerk looking for some fun outside of his marriage and he didn't care who he hurt to do it.
Now he is caught, how is he acting? Does he show any signs of understanding or remorse? Until he really "gets it" there will be little change in his behavior. Decide what you expect from him now and write it down. I assume giving you every password to everything he has would be one requirement as well as sending a last message to this OW, with you watching, that he made a mistake with her and it is over. After that I would also require him to attend some counceling sessions with you. Hearing the story told to a neutral party sometimes makes the WS see it in it's true colors.
I believe in letting the WS see exactly how you feel, whether the feelings are of pain or of anger. Do not try to hide your feelings because he will then think it was not that big a deal. It is a big deal and he needs to get that right now. At a certain point, if you do not feel he is helping you with your feelings of betrayal or if there are signs he may still have contact with her, then you will have to make decisions as to how long you will allow him to backslide. But making a threat such as throwing him out or filing for divorce, should only be made if you intend to follow through.
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