Posted by Joy on 6/3/2008, 1:27 pm, in reply to "Husband on myspace"
Sorry you are going through this. "Just words" is far from the truth, it's gaslighting. He has met with her in reality. His words betrayed your trust and his vows.
Sounds like he got caught up in the fantasy and told the OW whatever it took also to make himself look 'better', like he is the victim, not the married man who is looking to cheat. They rationalize, they delude themselves and try to make the spouse look like the villain.
If you did not see the 'letter' or email, then how do you know what was said. Sorry, but he cannot remain "friends" with her, he already pasted that line.
He will earn your trust. It will take time and lots of effort. He did massive damage and will have to do the work to rebuild that trust. That may mean living under the microscope for sometime and being very open, transparent with his communications, email, voice mail, be accountable for his time.
Keep your eyes open, as some affairs once discovered, just go deeper underground for awhile.
Most wayward spouses deny, deny, deny at first. There maybe more to this than he admits.
Look into finding a counselor who is certified in couples counseling and experienced with infidelity. Look into a marriage weekend, such as Retrouville.
Resources
A few good books:
"Not Just Friends" by S. Glass
“Surviving an affair” by Dr. W. Harley
“After the Affair” by Springs
A yahoo group that has many helpful articles and links in FILES. Not a good support board, not very active. But, loads of stuff in files. Simple to join.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTalk/
A few other helpful sites:
http://www.dearpeggy.com/
http://marriagebuilders.com/
http://betrayedspouse101.tripod.com/
http://www.beyondaffairs.com/
http://peterfox.com.au/index.html
A few good support forums for those dealing with infidelity. Lots of helpful people who have been through this trauma.
http://www.lifesaviors.com/SI/
http://survivinginfidelity.com/
An ebook written for the wayward spouse to help them understand what they need to do to rebuild from the damage they created:
http://www.aftertheaffair.net/
Some marriage weekend programs:
http://www.retrouvaille.org/
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi011_dates.html
Message Thread:
« Back to thread