Posted by Joy on 4/12/2008, 2:41 pm, in reply to "What To Do ...mmm?"
An affair would be a selfish indulgence and not fair to your wife, or even the other woman who will be hurt eventually.
It will hurt your wife and family horribly when your betrayal comes to light. Eventually it will. The other woman might be the one to expose you once she sees you staying with your wife.
It takes lots of energy to keep up a secret second life. You will become a lier and cheat. It would be cruel to your wife and even to the other woman to lead her on that you might give her more.
Put all that energy you have into helping to heal your marriage. Having two small children talks lots of time and energy from any couple and leaves little time for romance. Get a sitter and date your wife. Help out more with the kids and housework, it really can help a woman have more energy for sex, if she hasn't just finished giving it all to the kids.
Talk to your wife! Don't yell or blame, just tell her that you need her and want to help. Set up a counselor and go together.
Get some books about meeting emotional needs. You might find that you also may not be meeting some of HER needs, which can affect your sex life. Make couple time, as couples with young children get so focused on the kids, they forget to make time for each other!
This is not an active board at present, but members do come by, weekends are especially slow. If you want to see the pain that an affair can bring a marriage, then try reading some affair recovery boards or even 'the other woman' boards!
Maybe you feel you need some validation from this other woman, but it will take YEARS to rebuild your marriage and for your wife to heal once the betrayal comes to light. (Just a matter of time)
Read one or both of these with your wife:
"His Needs, Her Needs" by W. Harley
"The Five Love Languages" by Chapman
A few good books on affair recovery:
"Not Just Friends" by S. Glass
“Surviving an affair” by Dr. W. Harley
“After the Affair” by Springs
A yahoo group that has many helpful articles and links in FILES. Not a good support board, not very active. But, loads of stuff in files. Simple to join.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTalk/
A few other helpful sites:
http://www.dearpeggy.com/
http://marriagebuilders.com/
http://betrayedspouse101.tripod.com/
http://www.beyondaffairs.com/
http://peterfox.com.au/index.html
A few good support forums for those dealing with infidelity. Lots of helpful people who have been through this trauma.
http://www.lifesaviors.com/SI/
http://survivinginfidelity.com/
Some marriage weekend programs:
http://www.retrouvaille.org/
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi011_dates.html
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