Posted by Joy on 2/29/2008, 8:06 pm, in reply to "my husband cheated on myspace"
Your reaction is normal. Anyone would have this rollercoaster of emotions.
He rationalized his bad behavior by coming up with excuses, blaming the marriage for his own inner problems. Most likely, he would have progressed with his behavior over time, this is what happens when they think that they can step over the line and play these fantasy games. He could have a whole different personality online, after all it's words you can sit and just make up! He doesn't "love" someone he has never really meet, never had to really do anything for or even have her even meet his "real" needs. He loves the fantasy, free of any real responsibility!
Don't feel pressured to make any quick decisions about your long term future. Make your needs and boundaries for his future behavior VERY clear. He closes the myspace page. It was destructive. He closes any email accounts he used for this behavior, he blocks this woman's and any other woman he was chatting with from his email. If he wants his marriage, this is a small thing to ask!
He will have to earn your trust. This is a terrible emotional trauma for a spouse.
He will need to earn that trust by being open and transparent with his activities and communications. I wouldn't be surprised if you find he has a secret email account. Sometimes, a simple google desktop search will show up sites he was going to. His cell records may also show some of his calling patterns. Just keep your eyes open, as most likely, there is more to his initial story than he will admit.
Resources
A few good books:
"Not Just Friends" by S. Glass
“Surviving an affair” by Dr. W. Harley
“After the Affair” by Springs
A yahoo group that has many helpful articles and links in FILES. Not a good support board, not very active. But, loads of stuff in files. Simple to join.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTalk/
A few other helpful sites:
http://www.dearpeggy.com/
http://marriagebuilders.com/
http://betrayedspouse101.tripod.com/
http://www.beyondaffairs.com/
http://peterfox.com.au/index.html
A few good support forums for those dealing with infidelity. Lots of helpful people who have been through this trauma.
http://www.lifesaviors.com/SI/
http://survivinginfidelity.com/
An ebook written for the wayward spouse to help them understand what they need to do to rebuild from the damage they created:
http://www.aftertheaffair.net/
Some marriage weekend programs:
http://www.retrouvaille.org/
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi011_dates.html
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