Posted by Sophia on 1/8/2008, 7:12 pm, in reply to "New Here"
Dear, what you are experiencing, we have all gone through and we lived through it, most of us are still with our betrayers. The most important thing that you can do now is to try to recover from such a great trauma. Betrayal by our "best friend" is one of life's worst offenses and we are left in pain and we bleed for a long time. Read the book "After the Affair" by Janis Abrahams Spring, Ph.D. This is the best book that tells about what we are going through because of the betrayal. Have your s.o. read it with you so he can see what a horrible act he has done to you.
If you are to recover, your fiance must cut off all contact with this woman. If necessary, he must change jobs, but you will not regain trust if he continues to work with her. Another most important element is for him to set upon a course of what we call "radical honesty". He must be honest with you on all matters, no matter how insignificant, and he must answer all your questions about the affair honestly. You are the betrayed one and he must do all that he can to regain your love and trust. If he does not do this, you will not recover.
Sill - you both can get through this, but you MUST go to therapy together to find the cause of his actions. Try to find the best couples therapist in your area. The website www.dearpeggy.com lists expert therapists all over the country who specialize in this. If this is not dealt with now completely, he will repeat this behavior in the future when there may be problems in your marriage.
I could write and write about the path to recovery, but this is a start.
Please know that things will get better. Start to do this difficult work together.
Good luck,
Hugs,
Sophia
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