Posted by Lily on 10/26/2007, 10:58 am, in reply to "Is This Marrige Over ?"
Since the actual A ended years ago it sounds like something never clicked in the recovery process. Do you and your W discuss this void in your lives or is it just there but never faced? Does she realize how desperate you have become? It is often easier to allow the status quo to keep on rather than do the deep and painful searching together to see what is holding you apart. Counceling is hard and it is painful but is also needed to open up the wounds and clean them out. If she will not go perhaps you need to find a therapist who can help you make the decision of whether you should stay or go. It is sad to live a life in the same house as a SP but without any connection. I understand your feelings about the children and grandchildren. With a divorce nothing will ever be the same again but it can be workable even though different. Even with grown kids there will be damage and clearly with grandchildren it is even worse. I chose to stay in my marriage after my H had several A's and also was very distant in our personal life because of the fallout to our grown children and grandchildren. I sometimes regret staying and miss the warmth I see in other couples our age but I still think I did the right thing. Each needs to decide for themselves.
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