Posted by Suzi on 10/6/2007, 7:55 pm, in reply to "OH MY GOODNESS" But in a nutshell, we are doing better than I thought we would be. After several years of healing, we had a huge D-day #2 (or was it #3????) My H had taken a traveling job and the loneliness on the road just wasn't something he could handle well at all. But, of course, I had no idea. When he was home, things were pretty good. He was a good husband and seemed to be well engaged in the marriage. Things weren't perfect, of course. But the hard part of the last D-day was that he had no excuses about how much this would hurt me. First time around, well, I could give him the benefit of a doubt about not REALIZING the utter damage. Second time around? No way! It also helped me realize completely that this really was not something I CAUSED him to do. It was strictly something in HIM that was broke.. badly broken. Anyway, long story short... he quit his job, gave up a career that he was quite good at and has been accountable to me almost completely. We were able to disengage from our "normal" life shortly after D-day and engage in a joint venture which had US traveling and working together. I believe that helped immensely. It wasn't always pretty (ever been around an addict in withdrawal?), but I think the total break from our previous existence helped the recovery to begin. Today? Well, we both work at odd jobs part-time. We are doing a HUGE remodel on our house... something we have wanted to do for a long time. And THAT is healing because I feel like we are working TOGETHER again... for a common "family" cause. It's still rough. I still trigger. I still have no guarantees that he won't "relapse" into his need for the extra attention. But I honestly believe I am a stronger person for it and if there is a next time around, well, I can't imagine giving him a 3rd chance. Meanwhile, I have been finding a niche in working with women in our church in semi-counseling sessions... encouraging them one-on-one. We have two wonderful grandchildren now... girl = 8 and boy = 6. Both our kids live within a mile of us and our son has been helping us with the remodeling stuff since his occupation is construction. Hopefully we won't drive him too nuts! LOL That's it in a nutshell! Sorry it took me so long to get back here! Suzi
It's hard to compress the last four years or so.
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