Posted by Sarah on 2/20/2007, 5:17 pm Its a bit complicated so I hope you will all bear with me, and also I know some of what I will be telling you might to go down too well, which is part of the problem.. My partner and i have a problem. We have discovered that the husband of an employee of mine is having an affair. I really like this employee a great deal, she is a wonderful woman, very clever and kind too. We have met her husband at work parties a few times. My partner and I both feel this woman should know what her husband is doing/ has done. If she was a friend (without a work connection) we would have spoken to her already. We both feel this very strongly. The problem is how we have come to discover what he's been up to. My partner and I swing. We have been on the scene for about 6 years and have a lot of fun. We live in the UK and the swinging scene is quite intimate. People get to know people who swing too. And that’s how we have come to know about this woman’s husband, through swinging friends. What happened was a couple we have met many times asked us if we would like to meet a new couple they had recently made contact with. Our friends said they sounded like a lot of fun. Then they showed us their photo’s and we immediately recognized my employees husband! I was so shocked to see the woman he was with was NOT my employee! So we started asking a few questions of other swinging contacts and it appears that he has been with this other woman for several years! They have a flat together and have had for a long time. I really want to warn my employee, but I am worried about 2 things.. the obvious thing is I don’t want her to know that my partner and I swing! As you can imagine its not something we want to advertise widely, especially with work colleagues (its even a bit difficult doing it anonymously like this!) But as far as we can see right now, the only “proof” we have to alert her to what her husband is up to involved with swinging. The other thing is I know how I would feel if the boot was on the other foot. I would hate to know that my boss knew my husband had cheated on me! I want to prevent her from knowing that its me that knows this thing about her husband and her marriage. We know it might sound a bit strange that we have a problem with someone who is swinging too, but the reality is swingers aren't the same as adulterers! Both my partner and I love each other and just like most swingers we know, and certainly anyone we meet up with, nothing is done behind a partners back or without their consent, or more than that, their wish... whenever we meet up with someone we try and make sure they are proper couples. Anyone who seems a bit off centre we avoid. We are really strict about it. Anyway, our problem is this. How do you think we should approach this problem? I understand from the person that recommended this discussion board that many of you have been cheated on. So, are we right in wanting to let this woman know what her husband is up to? And if we are, how can we do that in such a way that she will firstly hear without letting her know who’s telling her? Because of the information we have gathered from our mutual contacts, we have dates etc when the husband would have been playing away from home with this other woman which would be enough to tip my employee off I think. I could email her anonymously (I have an email address which wouldn’t identify me to her) but how can I word it that’s best for her? What do you think?????? I know this is complicated and maybe not what you are used to dealing with, but both my partner and I feel so upset about what we know, and we know how we would feel to if we were in this woman’s position, any help any of you could give us would be very welcome. Please feel free to ask any questions you have. Thank you.
I've been recommended this site, but told it's not like it used to be too. So if you can't help I wonder if you could tell me where else I could go?
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