Posted by Lily on 2/14/2007, 2:50 pm, in reply to "Show I leave or Should I stay?"
From what you posted it appears clear that he sees nothing wrong with having an A and intends to continue in this pattern. I am not sure what caused you to decide to marry a multiple A cheater when you had 30 years of proof that he was not going to change but that is beside the point now. You filed for divorce but then withdrew the filing. This just proved to him that he is in control and you are going to allow him to walk all over you. I suggest making sure you will follow through with a divorce before making any threats or rules that you want him to follow if you were to stay.
You have a right to respect from him and his verbal abuse must stop. You have the right to expect him to end all contact with the OW. You have the right to expect him to attend marital counceling with you. You have a right to hear the truth from him. When you are ready to tell him what you expect from him be also prepared to make it clear that he must follow through on any promises made because there will be no second chances and a divorce will be the next step. This will take will power on your part so don't start this process until you can follow through. For now I would get legal advice on your financial rights. You said "MY" children, not "OUR" children and since you have been with him for 35 years I assume they are grown so don't need his support. If there are young children with him then you need to find out what support he would be required to give after a divorce.
No one can tell you to stay or to go, you must make that decision yourself. How will you feel 5 years down the road if he does have another A? Where is the line that you will eventually draw? Only you know that answer.
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