Posted by Lily on 1/26/2007, 10:49 am, in reply to "My husband Cheated. AGAIN"
We all know how you are feeling right now and I wish you didn't have to go thru this. This OW is worth nothing. Is she married? If so, tell her H. Are she and your H on the same level at work or is he a superior to her? If they are on the same level or she is over him then threaten to tell the HR dept. about the A and let the chips fall where they may. One of the prime requirements for recovery is no contact at all which means one of them needs to move on to another work place. Since he is an alcoholic this issue needs to be addressed and controlled but that will only work if he is dedicated to controlling the addiction. Also he must keep on his meds for the bipolar so it is controlled. You could both benefit from marital therapy. I sympathize with your feelings for your stepsons but you may have to choose between your love for them and remaining in a sad marriage if you H doesn't make the moves needed.
The shaking and pain will slow down over time, if he does what he should do to help you. The anger will wear down as well. For right now do not try to hide either your pain or your anger from him. He needs to see the result of his A and what it has done to you. Do not ever let him blame anything or anyone for his behaviour. His bipolar is not to blame and alcohol is not to blame. He is to blame and only he. Only by taking full responsibility will he learn anything. You have just found out of 2 A's with the same OW. Unless he learns and changes the next A will be with someone new and you will be right back at square one again. I allowed my H 2EA's and 1 PA with no real consequences before I wised up and on his 2nd PA filed for divorce. Facing the reality that he no longer could have the OW and have his family, my H chose to head for counseling and make changes in himself. I hope your H will do the same.
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