Posted by jacksjill on 1/25/2007, 7:08 am, in reply to "Re: he won't admit it"
thanks for your response. Since I posted I sent him an e-mail at work, and told him pretty much how I felt about the whole thing. I got it all out, things I couldn't say to him b/c he gets so angry and then we fight. He responded and back and forth the e-mails went. I went through all the things that made me suspicious, point by point through this time. Some of his answers did make sense. Some he didn't have answers for. He just keeps saying no matter how it looked, he had no interest in her. As the e-mails went, I found the old me, the strong, assertive women who lived on my own for years before I married him. The last e-mail I told him everything I have learned about her, and how she does this time after time with married men, destroying families. (Her husband told that last distraught "wife" who called him he was sorry, but she wasn't the first wife to call him, and she wouldn't be the last. He stays with her, for their kids.) I told him I'm not doing this anymore to myself. That I am moving on, but she won't be in my back pocket. When he responded, he was more worried about if I was moving on without him, if that's what I meant? He said how much he loved me, and how much he needed me. I told him I don't want our marriage to be over, but this is it. If he wants to work on repairing our marriage it's up to him. He will have to show me and prove to me, that saving our marriage is what he wants. More or less the ball is in his court, what he does with it is up to him. If I'm not happy, and secure I will move on without him. He said he wants our family, he wants our marriage, he wants me in his life. We shall see. I'm not totally confident that nothing happened. But all of a sudden, I quit being the little hurt wife, and I spoke my mind, told him exactly what I felt and feel. I told him "she is in good shape, she looks darn good for her age, but I'm kicking myself for ever thinking I couldn't compete with her. SHE can't compete with me. We are not even in the same league. She has no character, morals, she only cares about her own ego, not her own children, her husband, and not the families that she leaves in her wake, by constant affairs. But I am better than all this, and I'm not lowering myself to her level ever again! You want that, you can have it, but I am moving on." ;-)
All of a sudden, I found "me" again. As much as I love my husband, and live for my children, and our family. I have to love myself enough to not put up with this, to not have these feelings of not being good enough to compete with her. I don't want to be anything like her!! I'm a good person, I'm a fantastic mom, and deep down in I'm a strong woman, that just lost her way for a while. And if that's not enough for him, he can leave. No one is doing that to me!
I want to thank you all for your responses, because I was in a dark hole, not knowing which way to go, so hurt, I couldn't think straight. I have never dealt with this before, I was just a lump, with a broken heart, and a mind that couldn't think straight! Reading your posts, made me realize I wasn't nuts, they don't come out and say yep I'm having an affair. And it MADE me take action. To stand up and say I'm not doing this to myself anymore. Thank you so much.
I will keep you posted....
wishing you all sunshine and blessings.
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