Posted by Lily on 1/24/2007, 12:47 pm, in reply to "Re: he won't admit it"
You asked, in your other response to me,if my H and I are still married. We have been married 48 years next month. When we had been married about 12 years or so he had an EA with a secretary at work. Started out by helping her fix her car, then her washer needed repair and then her sister's kid had no dad so he gave a little of his time to the child etc. I was upset since it was clear to me what was going on but it eventually died out and we went on. Then a few years after that he, out of the blue, told me he no longer loved me and wanted a divorce. He moved out and lived in an apartment for 3-4 months, coming home on weekends to work in his garage and bringing his laundry. I figured something was going on with the new secretary but he denied it and even cried to think I would not believe him. Then one night he said he wanted to move back home and he did. Months after he came home one of his coworkers stopped by and told me the truth about the secretary and my H. I confronted him, he admitted, said he was sorry but felt that was all he needed to do but he did quit his job the next day without even telling me. However, since he refused to address my pain or anger I had to hide it and pretend all was fine. Then again, in about 1995 I realized he was involved in another EA. The woman called the house all the time and was rude when I answered the phone, family saw her following him around in public etc. When I saw her phone number several times a day on our phone bill I told him it was not acceptable and he actually stopped the relationship. Then in 12/2000 I came home unexpectedly and caught him with one more OW and this was the last straw. This time I filed for divorce and made it clear our marriage was gone. He could not believe it, after all I had never done anything about his other A's. The lesson is to deal with this A now. Do not allow him to pretend nothing happened because, just like a kid, until stopped the bad behaviour will probably go on. If you want to give him some rope in hopes of finding proof then do so. But there would be nothing wrong on insisting on therapy now and dealing with your feelings that way.
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