Posted by Onnie on 6/13/2006, 2:48 pm In MC sessions, we've been working very hard on opening up and talking about how we relate to each other. There have been so many misunderstandings. I'm happy that this is getting cleared up. This seems to have started the problems. Then instead of dealing with what he thought, talking about it, etc., he went to OW. I am just finding out when it started and how long it lasted and what happened. He claims it was 3.5 months. I know the last 1.5 months she lived across the country and he didn't see her. During MC, we've been working on how we got to the point of the A. This has been mostly focused on him, his thoughts, his relationship with me, what our marriage and lives were like. Last night in MC, we were talking about how we are working out our responsibilities (this is something that's been uneven and I don't want to carry it all). But at a point, I said that I wasn't feeling important. I know the clothes he chose when he saw her before, he shaved and kept himself nice looking. Now with me, he doesn't do that. He shaves once a week and hangs out in sweats with me. Yes, he's doing more around the house, calling me from work, coming home on time, etc. but it doesn't feel right. I feel like he took all this effort to impress her, but I just get what I get. He even forgot to pick me up at the airport once when he was out with her (which I found out about last night). The MC explained, as I was crying to much to talk, that I can not ever feel less important or cherished than anyone else. Right now, I'm competing with a memory, and that memory says she was more important than I am now. He said he understood, and that I'm the most important thing to him, and he would try to make me feel like that. Then we came home and he started telling me that he's frustrated that he's doing so much, and that I'm still unhappy. I said that maybe it was too much for him and that he's not able to do more. He said that's not it, but he's frustrated that he calls me, is on time, does some chores and is 10X better (i agree with the 10x better) than he was before, but that I'm still upset. I don't know how to explain to him that it is 10X better, I need this to keep happening, but that thinking of the little things he did to impress OW (and his girlfriends before we were married, as I've known him as a friend for over 10 years), and not having it myself, hurts. I want him to do what he's doing. I also think he's should do those things anyway, and that he had an A, and that making me feel like I'm special couldn't be that hard. I'm struggling with how to explain this.
It's been a few weeks since I've posted. We've been going to MC, and it's helping a lot. I like our MC, she's good. My H is finally starting to open up. He's told me this weekend that he doesn't feel like there is anything he can't discuss with me. I felt great about that. But some of the things I'm finding out hurt. This was an EA, at least. He tells me that it wasn't a PA. I want to believe him, but we all know how that goes.
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