Posted by JohnnyB on 6/6/2006, 1:57 pm Ok, let me preface this. I slept funny Sunday night and my neck had been hurting all day (still went to the gym and busted it). I had a dull headache, was kind of tired and neck was bothering me. In other words, I wasn't chatty. My W thought something was wrong with me. I had to explain to her that sometimes when I do not feel well, I'm not chatty. Anyway, on the way to the gym, the POS got mentioned. She had talked with a girl whom she works with about things. I asked about the conversation. When I called him, "MF, CS, PIECE OF SHEET A$$HOLE WHOM I WISH WOULD DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH RIGHT NOW," it stunned her a little. She doesn't like to see me get angry. Anyway, that prefaced the conversation in bed last night. She said she wondered how I could hate him so much and not hate her, as she was a willing person and was just as guilty. I told her simply, because I have a relationship with her and she is my wife; him I have no relationship can I can HATE HIS F'ING GUTS ALL I WANT TO! She asked me again why didn't I just kick her out to the curb. I explained again, she is my wife, mother to my children and we've been together for 26 years. I wasn't going to throw that away without trying to salvage something. She was ok with that. She then told me she sometimes wondered when I would get tired of working on the relationship and either boot her out or go back to being depressed and ignore her. She wondered how long this will last. I told her that it wil llast as long as she is here. If she doesn't want to be here or love me, then she is free to pack her shit anytime and leave, that I have made my decision to go forward and to try and put ALL the past behind us. She just kinda shook her head because she didn't understand how I could feel that way. I basically let her know as long as she is willing to continue to grow our relationship to new levels and made the effort that I would do the same. But it has to be a two-way street. While my love for her may be unconditional (I will always love her no matter what), her being with me is conditional. And I have laid out the ground rules for that. She has agreed to them. I think she is sometimes scared because of my anger that I will boot her or leave. But I won't, I want to be with her as long as she wants to be with me. It is that feeling of love that drives me. And she told me after the conversation last night, "I love you, I really do." She followed up this morning with a phone call during her very busy time to say, "I just wanted to call and tell you I love you and see ow your day is going." That was a great call this morning. And she wonders why I feel the way I do... I did text her back thanking her for the call, reminding her that it is the little things she does that makes me love her the way I do. Anyway, that's how things went for the last 20 or so hours.... John
As you all know, I like to think out my thoughts prior to posting when things happen. Last night, my W and I had a discussion concerning the relationship.
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